Whiskey Tortoise

Flaccid, impotent male genitals that result from consuming too much alcohol (esp. whiskey or bourbon).

"He got so drunk and later, in bed, he had a total whiskey tortoise. I lied and told him that it was fine and that all that mattered was being close to him."

by Tortoisemaster August 26, 2013

Tortoiseitis

Slower than fuck. A very slow person.

It takes that bitch forever to put her makeup on she has tortoiseitis.

by Mike Hawksbigger January 31, 2023

Touching The Tortoise

Masturbation of the male genitals

Touching the tortoise- masturbation

My girlfriend sent nudes, I’m going to touch my tortoise to them

by WillyMaster1001 November 4, 2023

Tortoise

A name given to the species usopp

"My new pet usopp (a tortoise)"

by WildWillez December 13, 2020

Tortoise

THE MOST BADASS ANIMAL ON THE PLANET. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A LIVING TANK.

"Damn do you see that guy over there who owns a tortoise?"
"Fucking badass"

by LiverGiver February 11, 2021

wheezing tortoise

someone who shot an ostrich in the last 34 minutes

he is a wheezing tortoise

by Human who is also an ostrich June 24, 2022

Flippy the tortoise

a cute little tortoise with the smarts of 10000000000000000000000 people she will take over your brain

omg, look at the tortoise!
oh that's flippy the tortoise don't make her mad or shell kill u

by kam the ham August 29, 2022