From the vantage point of a rational human with functioning gustatory papillae, the lamb meat in all forms is the gastronomic equivalent of getting kicked in the testicles.
Imagine, if you will, meat that tastes like it’s been marinated in dirty old sweaters, perfumed with a hint of petting zoo after a spring rain, and garnished with the toxic secretions of a cane toad. The consumption of lamb is less a meal and more an elaborate prank gone wrong.
The texture? A true paradox. Somehow it is both sinewy and gelatinous, as though the animal was full of despair and sadness before its untimely demise. And the smell, how in tarnation can it smell that foul? The stench wafts through a home like the ghost of livestock past, clinging to drapes, walls, and assaulting the olfactory senses of every poor soul who is in the vicinity.
Supposed connoisseurs will wax poetic about its “earthy richness” or “rich, robust, and well-balanced flavor” which, when translated from nonsense speak to to honest English, means “sweaty mutton disguised as fine dining”. It is not “delicate,” it is despicable; it is not “robust,” but a belligerent assault on the taste buds.
Lamb should only be served if your guests have wronged you terribly or if you have lost all hope in the potential of food bringing you, or others, joy.
In conclusion, a lamb as a dish is best served NEVER. It is a betrayal of the palate, a disgrace to the kitchen, and a compelling argument for vegetarianism.
Imagine, if you will, meat that tastes like it’s been marinated in dirty old sweaters, perfumed with a hint of petting zoo after a spring rain, and garnished with the toxic secretions of a cane toad. The consumption of lamb is less a meal and more an elaborate prank gone wrong.
The texture? A true paradox. Somehow it is both sinewy and gelatinous, as though the animal was full of despair and sadness before its untimely demise. And the smell, how in tarnation can it smell that foul? The stench wafts through a home like the ghost of livestock past, clinging to drapes, walls, and assaulting the olfactory senses of every poor soul who is in the vicinity.
Supposed connoisseurs will wax poetic about its “earthy richness” or “rich, robust, and well-balanced flavor” which, when translated from nonsense speak to to honest English, means “sweaty mutton disguised as fine dining”. It is not “delicate,” it is despicable; it is not “robust,” but a belligerent assault on the taste buds.
Lamb should only be served if your guests have wronged you terribly or if you have lost all hope in the potential of food bringing you, or others, joy.
In conclusion, a lamb as a dish is best served NEVER. It is a betrayal of the palate, a disgrace to the kitchen, and a compelling argument for vegetarianism.
Jacob: You should come over for dinner tonight.
Patricia: That sounds lovely, what are we having?
Jacob: A lamb dinner, I was thinking a roast leg of lamb.
Patricia: I just threw up in my mouth.
Jacob: Lamb Souvlaki?
Patricia: I would rather starve.
Jacob: Lamb chops?
Patricia: Que distinguida.
Jacob: Lamb kofta?
Patricia: Que feo.
Jacob: Lamb Shank Ragu?
Patricia: Ohhhh, you know what? I just remembered, I am busy tonight, sorry.
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Fact: There is literally no version of lamb that is not completely disgusting
Patricia: That sounds lovely, what are we having?
Jacob: A lamb dinner, I was thinking a roast leg of lamb.
Patricia: I just threw up in my mouth.
Jacob: Lamb Souvlaki?
Patricia: I would rather starve.
Jacob: Lamb chops?
Patricia: Que distinguida.
Jacob: Lamb kofta?
Patricia: Que feo.
Jacob: Lamb Shank Ragu?
Patricia: Ohhhh, you know what? I just remembered, I am busy tonight, sorry.
-----------------------------------
Fact: There is literally no version of lamb that is not completely disgusting
by Volando Con El Viento April 20, 2025
Get the Lamb dinnermug. (Frankish refers to Charlemagne and The Franks): weird looking and unpalatable food,- ioho-, but food still fit for human consumption (if religious dietary restrictions are kept out of the equation, because your ethnic group is simply not accustomed to such food).
by Sexydimma February 6, 2017
Get the frankish dinner datemug. The dream items? The ultimate work-hards in the closet? They meet the PDW criteria. Styles that span across the three facets of our life—Play, Dinner, Work. Not everything can be created with an eye towards this functionality—but when a piece nails it, it’s worth noting and having.
Person 1: Before we go to dinner I have to go home and change. I’ve been at work all day! Do you need to change?
Person 2: Nope! I wore my PDW (Play, Dinner, Work) pieces. They work for so many occasions, I can go from work to dinner without having to go home and change.
Person 2: Nope! I wore my PDW (Play, Dinner, Work) pieces. They work for so many occasions, I can go from work to dinner without having to go home and change.
by Iamcreativepragmatist August 6, 2021
Get the PDW (Play, Dinner, Work)mug. Dude 1: You were in the there for a while, I thought you were just going for a piss
Dude 2: I was but drinks became dinner
Dude 2: I was but drinks became dinner
by Xylevan October 6, 2024
Get the Drinks Became Dinnermug. Do you know what Cillian Murphy had to do to slim down for Oppenheimer? He had one almond a day. Dude had a squirrel dinner.
by Magenta Mage August 12, 2023
Get the Squirrel dinnermug. 
by ariroary June 27, 2024
Get the girl dinnermug.