jesus porras

Jesus Porras is a man who is just the most goregous and friendliest person you'll meet in your life if you ever run into him make sure you talk to him he won't bite he may look intimidating at first but he is a complete sweetheart he is the most loving person. He is also up for any challenge you throw at him even if he knows it might be dangerous. He has a body that'll make you fall in love, the voice of an angel, a smile that'll light up the room, so funny that he'll make you have a six pack by the end of the class. He is very outgoing athletic responsible people person loving caring passionate about everything he is also a ladies man girls are always around him can't even keep there eyes off of him and can't stop thinking about him he even makes guys cum in there pants when they see him

jesus porras

by Ashley Nicole Alva November 7, 2011

lunchroom jesus

One who lends money to others in the lunch room so they might be able to buy their own lunch.

"Yeah, that kid calls me the lunchroom jesus cause he never brings enough money for lunch"

by malikimustard July 13, 2007

hobo jesus

A poor person that resembles Jesus. PL (Hobo Jesi)

"Do you think that hobo jesus could cure my leprecy?"

by danny langston September 21, 2007

Jesus Early

A time when it is so early that Jesus Christ would not be fully rested after sleeping.
See also: Jesus Hot, Jesus Cold, Jesus Lot, Jesus Sweet, Jesus Late, and Jesus Early

I had to get up Jesus Early for work the other day. I mean, I fell asleep and didn't even awake when my face landed in the deep frier. Someone had to pull me out.

by not_michael October 11, 2004

Jesus himself

When an event or person is so godly or amazing that the only way it could be possible is if they are Jesus himself.

Dude that guy over there has picked up every girl all night..........without even talking to them!!!!!!??!!!!

-Jesus himself-

My friend robbed the biggest bank in the world using only a ballpoint pen!!!!

-Jesus himself-

by Zygorff October 20, 2009

jesus retard

A person raised by bible thumping religious fanatics who is incapable of creating a complete sentence without using the words "jesus", "god", "sinner", "salvation," or "amen."

An unbalanced individual who speaks of jesus in such an intimate manner that it becomes uncomfortable to the point you want to vomit then they show you thier jesus tattoo.

A coworker who feels he is ordained by god to leave religious material in the bathrooms, lunchroom, the bulletin boards and your desk.

The cute girl at work that you at one time you briefly considered joining her church in hopes of banging her but decided it would be too wierd to hear her screaming for jesus while you do her. Whose desk looks like an altar and ends every sentence with the phrase "jesus loves you!"

The creepy neighbor who waits for you too come home every day so they can tell you they spent the day praying for your salvation and that your girlfriend is a wanton slut who sleeps in satan's bed.

Office worker 1: "Who put all the religious crap all over the bathroom?"
Office worker 2: "That's Justin's doing, the creepy guy from the mail room with the jesus tattoo."
Office worker 1: "I should kick his ass!"
Office worker 2: "It would not do any good, he would just ask god to forgive you, he's a jesus retard."

by jsd9632 October 20, 2012

Jesus Swag

Not only clothing yourself in textiles that represent your faith, but clothing yourself in righteousness; walking in the footpaths of Jesus Christ on a daily basis.

I got Jesus swag.

by The Great I Am November 16, 2011