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Sperm-troeteldier

"Sperm-troeteldier" (singular) or "Sperm-troeteldiere"(plural) is an Afrikaans - a language spoken in South Africa - collective noun and neologism, that directly translates to "sperm pet/s" in English. It refers to annoying infants/toddlers/children/teenagers, as the concept or idea itself, is derivative of the well-known fact that humanity is the only mammal species in the history of existence that keep their sperms as pets. This quaint little Afrikaans neologism is specifically designated for individuals who really don't like kids, and a very polite (albeit somewhat sarcastically offensive) way to describe those annoying little "knater monsters" (crotch goblins), of your friends and immediate family. This silly little neologism has maximum effect when used in close proximity to a Karen. So, if you don't like kids; this one's for you!
"Jirre, ek moet alweer vandag na my suster se fokken sperm-troeteldiere gaan kyk!"
(Jesus, today I have to go and babysit my sister's fucking sperm pets again!)

"Susan! Kom haal jou sperm-troeteldier, hy het sopas op my nuwe fokken skoene gekots..."
(Susan! Come and fetch your sperm pet, he puked on my new fucking shoes...)

Persoon 1: "Fok, ek haat kinders!"
(Person 1: "Fuck I hate children!"
Persoon 2: "Jy bedoel seker sperm-troeteldiere?!"
(Person 2: "You probably mean sperm pets?!")
by thefriendlysatanist March 20, 2023
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make-a-wish sperm

When attractive parents birth an ugly child.
“You were definitely a make-a-wish sperm, dude.”
by Yourmomsboyfriend April 2, 2023
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Sperm Whale

Offensive term reserved for a plus-sized, oftentimes abusive person who seeks to date primarily for sex. The same way the animal has a sperm-like substance found in its body, a person who is a sperm whale typically has a high body count and has been ejaculated in by many different people.
Lmao, loser finally gets his first gf?

Opinion rejected, you're with a fucking sperm whale.
by Alzorbongus June 20, 2024
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Sperm Whale

I gave that Sperm Whale my Moby Dick
by The Old Man/Unkle Grandpa June 21, 2024
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sperm cleansing

To cleanse your face and/or body with sperm while singing brain rot songs.
Jake had no rizz, so he ended up sperm cleansing his face. What the goon?
by skibiditoilersyndrome_1 August 16, 2024
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Vegas Sperm Clinic

Went to a Vegas Sperm Clinic and got my shit shlonked sideways
by Ethabmen May 28, 2025
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