national ass day. today will be ass so don’t bother waking up. wait til the next then everything should be ok. just don’t do anything risky or potentially harmful today or else your ass will pay for it. literally.
person 1: “what day is it?”
person 2: “omfg its december 4th, lock your doors and hide your kids it’s gonna be rough today”
person 1: “oh no :(“