Calories

Tiny organisms that live in most people's closets and sew their cloths tighter every night

I have too many calories in my closet.

How come calories don't creep into your closet?

by Mrs. Teacher April 29, 2021

calorie whore

someone who makes a conscious effort to count every calorie they consume in a day to the point where it becomes excessive.

Liv has become such a calorie whore.

by anonymous July 23, 2024

Calorie

Invisible food math

You: “Dude, what’s a Calorie?”

Me (an educated guy): “Basically, it’s invisible food math.”

by Jjoshyy69420 March 12, 2023

calorie cloud

The act of burning calories and donating them to kids who need them most.

I totally calorie clouded that burger from lunch today when I went for an afternoon run.

by lukecycles May 19, 2017

Empty Calories

A quarterback who puts up a lot of seemingly impressive stats, but rarely wins games, rendering his stats useless in the grand scheme of things.

Also applicable for stats put up when the team is down or up by a lot. AKA, not when a game is being determined.

Jay: I am so pumped for my team's new QB, we are going to air it out all season long.

Joel: Hmm, I don't know. All I see is a bunch of empty calories, he may be useless when it counts.

Jay: Ugh, he never wins big games, you are so right.

by Mike109999 March 21, 2022

Calories

Invisible food math

You: “Dude what are calories?”
Me (an educated guy): “Basically, it’s invisible food math.”

by Jjoshyy69420 March 12, 2023

It's fun, calorie-free, and won't get you pregnant

A good line to use wif a cute chick when ya wanna do something totally "innocent 'n' harmless" like rub her feet, give her a cuddly soothing massage, etc.

Telling a hot gal dat "It's fun, calorie-free, and won't get you pregnant" can also be effective for getting her to allow you total access to her warm softness wif your hands and lips, provided dat you are actually able to "keep it in your pants" (or at least just in her hand or mouth, if you're both naked). Good luck wif DAT, though --- once you get excited from savoring her exquisite flesh, her juicy-looking coochie may look awfully tempting for your painfully-engorged lulu! What you can do in dis case, though, is to either wear a condom or have her "relieve da pressure" manually/orally, and then you can safely thrust inside of her for at least a few minutes before your sperm-glands "recharge themselves" to da point where you would again be in danger of spurting helplessly while you're eagerly "soothing her baby-tunnel" wif your swollen "love-pipe".

by QuacksO December 12, 2019