douchebaggery in the 2nd degree
This is the 2nd of the orders of magnitude of douchebaggery in which a person can commit. It is very similar to douchebaggery in the 1st degree; however, this accusation comes with a noticeable difference. In this degree, the accused has now become a repeat offender. The person, from here on referred to as the douche, has been charged and found guilty of 1st-degree douchebaggery by the Court of Public Opinion. Penalties for a guilty conviction on this charge are increasingly stiff, and may include:
-Immediate unfriending on facebook, snapchat, etc.
-A swift kick in the giblets
-Public mockery/ open shame
-Immediate unfriending on facebook, snapchat, etc.
-A swift kick in the giblets
-Public mockery/ open shame
Shrek: "Hey man, remember how I had rescheduled that kayaking trip with my buddies so Jeff could make it since he bailed the last time?"
Scuff: "Of course."
Shrek: "Well, that douche bailed on me again this weekend!"
Scuff: "Word? What was his excuse this time?"
Shrek: "He said he got busy with stuff-n-things."
Scuff: "Dude, that's a load of garbage! He's my friend and all, but this sounds like a definite case of douchebaggery in the 2nd degree!"
Shrek: "I concur, Scuff. Maybe we need to get him checked into some kinda rehab before this gets worse. Anyway, how findeth the Court of Public Opinion, Jeff, on the charge of douchebaggery in the 2nd degree?"
Bystanders: "GUILTY!!!"
Shrek: "Motion carries. Unfriending on social media to be completed by midnight tonight."
Note: The sentencing for this conviction is much more severe due to the enhanced likelihood that Jeff will become an even bigger douchebag in the near future. If unattended, it is likely that he will soon commit a crime of douchebaggery in the 3rd degree; a black hole from which no friendship escapes.
Special Note: It is very rare that the Court of Public Opinion ever finds anyone innocent of a charge that is brought before them. They are a vengeful lot.
Scuff: "Of course."
Shrek: "Well, that douche bailed on me again this weekend!"
Scuff: "Word? What was his excuse this time?"
Shrek: "He said he got busy with stuff-n-things."
Scuff: "Dude, that's a load of garbage! He's my friend and all, but this sounds like a definite case of douchebaggery in the 2nd degree!"
Shrek: "I concur, Scuff. Maybe we need to get him checked into some kinda rehab before this gets worse. Anyway, how findeth the Court of Public Opinion, Jeff, on the charge of douchebaggery in the 2nd degree?"
Bystanders: "GUILTY!!!"
Shrek: "Motion carries. Unfriending on social media to be completed by midnight tonight."
Note: The sentencing for this conviction is much more severe due to the enhanced likelihood that Jeff will become an even bigger douchebag in the near future. If unattended, it is likely that he will soon commit a crime of douchebaggery in the 3rd degree; a black hole from which no friendship escapes.
Special Note: It is very rare that the Court of Public Opinion ever finds anyone innocent of a charge that is brought before them. They are a vengeful lot.
douchebaggery in the 2nd degree by Sir Scoofsalot February 9, 2015
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