Jeremy A kind-hearted legend with a heart of
gold and a massive appetite that could bankrupt a
small country. This
guy is so sweet he would give you the shirt off his back, right after he finishes eating everything at the buffet and probably the buffet table too. Weighing in at about 500 pounds of pure love and zero cardio, this absolute
unit is built like a couch cushion, except the cushion is made of snacks. Despite having the stamina of a sloth on vacation and moving at seismic-event speeds, this man somehow made it onto the varsity team. It's either pure luck, coach favoritism, or the refs were too scared to say no. We tease him nonstop for âeating the worldâ
one family-sized portion at a time. âJeremy doesnât do laps; he causes earthquakes.â Or, âWhen Jeremy runs, the ground gets indigestion.â But deep down, we love our chubby-cheeked, planet-sized king. Heâs the
guy whoâd still show up to
help you move, after one more slice. Examples: â
Yo, whereâs Jeremy?â âEarthquake just hit the cafeteriaâmust be him loading up
tray #4.â âJeremy, you gonna run the mile?â âHeavy breathing just from standing up. Nah bro, Iâm pacing myself for the all-you-can-eat after.â