An elderly individual who annoys the general public by going through what is
left of their life in a ridiculously slow fashion. Tasks at which a BAGEL is expert at annoying those around him/her include: driving too slow in the hammer lane, taking too
long at the checkout
line by counting pennies from a change purse, asking if coupons are still valid (when you are behind them in line and really have to take a monster
dump).
Conversely, bagels are a constant source of good
humor. This is especially the case when the BAGEL in question is confused about a mundane, day-to-day task, such as the attempted mastry of modern-day technical equipment,
gas pumps, and the like. A supremely entertaining example of CONFUSED BAGEL usually involves cellular phones.