Fat Essex bloke who eats many pies. Rides a
fat motorbike, and also a dog called jasper. Tries to go running once a year, but is usually put-off by the prospect of half a chicken with curry
sauce from the chippy. Has the ability to look at two people at the same time although they're standing 15m apart.
"Why haven't u got any pies
left?"
"Taff came in earlier for a light
snack. You'
ll have to go to Mongolia to find a pie shop that he hasn't raided."