n. Incredibly odd animal with ludicrously improbable physical, behavioural and emotional
characteristics unseen outside Hollywood. Thought by habitually beer-dozzled Australian scientists to be a cross between a platypus and another platypus. Aborigines, who worshipped the platypi as very peculiar crippled and mentally
handicapped gods imbued with irreplaceable
mystical powers and the souls of dead aboriginal heroes, were reluctant to kill and eat the strange creatures unless they were hungry. After every edible part of the delicious gods were consumed all of the remaining bits, some of which were rather nasty and in fact poisonous, were employed to create everything a stone-age people could possibly need … assuming they were not interested in leaving the stone age.
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Dear God Bruce! What in rotting wombat guts is that smeared on your wellies? It smells like vegamite gone septic.
No worries mate. It’s platypus bile. The
aborigines use it to waterproof their ocean-going rafts.
Perhaps that’s why they never got off this
bleeding swelter bog of a
continent.