health and safety

another part of tonys masterplan.
everytime i work at a factory i have to watch some piss poor video telling me not to stick blow torches up my nose.
entirely designed to avoid being sued by the terminaly stupid and fuck all to do with safety.
method statement! i'll give you a method statement. i know how to do the job, you dont, thats why you are paying me to do it.
making me write it out in triplicate will not make me any safer. lets face it you wont understand a fucking word anyway you pen pushing desk pilot bastard.

example: making me wear a hard hat when working in a man lift platform. im the highest thing for 20 miles whats going to fall on my head? bird shit perhapse?

health and safety by Mr Flibble December 26, 2004

Chinese Safety Goggles 

Chinese Safety Goggles. When you dont have any safety goggles on hand and need to protect your eyes, you simply squint. Looking like a china-man and protecting your peepers.

John: "Hey Brian arent you going to use some safety goggles when you are tearing apart that tile floor?"

Brian: "Naw bra I dont need them. I have my Chinese Safety Goggles on. I never leave home without these baddies."

Chinese Safety Goggles by Brain the Great January 28, 2010

chinese safety boot 

Flip flops

I'm wearing my Chinese safety boots

chinese safety boot by asdfqwerzxcvpoiu March 2, 2014

skid safety officer 

To piss on and clear away another mans skids in the pan after a good poo.

'I'm a skid safety officer sir, I'll clean that'

'Wow that's a mess, better do my duty as a skid safety officer and hose that down'

skid safety officer by BAZLEYSMASH December 4, 2015

Occupational Health and Safety 

Is a legislation to protect dumb people from themselves whilst putting others with intelligence though hours and hours of pointless and boring presentations so stupid rules and procedures can be implemented to annoy workers and reduce productivity.

Occupational Health and Safety

When replacing cuter blades ensure equipment is shut down and isolated before removing cover....

Occupational Health and Safety by ladam21 March 14, 2011

Snow Safety 

Snow Safety is the practice of monitoring and controlling snow avalanches for public safety and to protect structures in areas prone to avalanches.

Snow Safety Teams are part of Federal Governmental AgenciesState Governmental Agencies such as State Highway Departments, Ski Resorts, Helicopter Ski Operations, Mountain mining operations and more...

Snow Safety Teams use a variety of methods to stabalize the snowpack and or force it to slide using explosives, ski cutting, boot packing and more...

The Head of Snow Safety for the ski resort decided to close the upper mountain so the trollers could shoot down that avalanche using a Avalauncher. That sucks for us cuz there's 3' feet of fresh pow up top, dude.

Snow Safety by The Snow Prophet May 13, 2010

heterosexual safety seat 

Also known as the Gay Seat or the I'm Not Gay Seat.

Referenced by Ray Romano in his stand-up act: it refers to the empty seat left between two straight males sitting in a movie theater together as proof to the rest of the audience that they are not there as a couple, and infact, just hetreosexual friends.

Even though were we in a crowded movie theater, watching an action movie, my pal and I had to leave the heterosexual safety seat between us just in case anyone was looking.

heterosexual safety seat by Dante_T December 9, 2008