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competence 

The art of performing a simple or non-simple task without fucking everything up
Our college notes were written by someone who clearly hasn't got competence
competence by SaucerPilot May 19, 2016

The Complete Guide To Everything

Weekly podcast hosted by Tom and his sidekick Tim.

Or if you are Tim: weekly podcast hosted by Tim and his sidekick Tom

Basically, TCGTE is the funniest podcast you will ever hear.

Topics vary from time travel to dating and everything inbetween.
"Tim- Fucking baby boomers!
Tom- ...ok...so anyway, starbucks..."

Listener-Ah The Complete Guide To Everything, legend .

a complete and utter wanker 

Derogatory English slang for one who masturbates i.e. a jerk off.
That bloke's driving a Range Rover, what a complete and utter wanker

competent 

Having the skill and knowledge needed for a particular task; capable.
Any competent lawyer can draw up a will.
competent by Larstait November 10, 2003

and now for something completely different 

A phrase coined by the British comedy troupe Monty Python. It is used to signify the arrival of something that is, indeed, completely different from whatever had been going on previously.

See also: Pythonesque comedy.
The llama is a quadruped which lives in the big rivers like the Amazon. It has two ears, a heart, a forehead, and a beak for eating honey. But it is provided with fins for swimming.

Llamas are larger than frogs.

Llamas are dangerous, so if you see one where people are swimming, you shout...

Look out, there are llamas!

And now for something completely different - a man with a tape recorder up his nose.

Complete Asshole 

A person who steals an item and refuses to give it back just before the owner needs to use it.
Jack: hahaha I stole your pen, and I'm not giving it back.
John: You complete asshole, my final exam is in 5 minutes.
Complete Asshole by Legitarius December 26, 2009