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Crotch-sheltering

Used in some circles, mainly among stoners as The act of clumsily holding things between your thighs in close proximity to your crotch and trying not to drop them, while both you're hands are pre-occupied, usually with a bong and a lighter or a bag of Tostitos. This is fairly common when ones too high to understand that maybe the table next to them or even simply the floor is a more logical means of security for breakable items. When ones too stoned to remember that they're crotch-sheltering anything at all, or that they even put anything between their legs in the first place, this may result in something either crushing or dropping. That is how you break a bong. OR it can be used to call out someone either hogging the bong and not using it, or a bag of chips without eating it, while holding these things between their thighs.
Person 1: *finished bong hit* "person 2, I have the munchies, toss me the chips"
Person 2: *tosses person 1 the chips*
Person 1: *starts muching away on the chips and places bong in between legs without using it*

Person 2: "person 1, I want a hit where's the bong?"
Person 1: "I don't know" *too stoned obviously at this point* *spends 20 minutes looking around the room for the bong*

Person 2:"you idiot, youre crotch-sheltering it!"
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Cactus Crotch Syndrome 

A Condition Caused By Pubic Stubble On Either A Male Or Female, That Almost Always Irritates A Partner Who Is Trying To Be Intimate. Sometimes The Irritation Gets To The Point That Intercourse Must Discontinue.
When Teresa Shaved "Downtown" It Was So Sexy...But Since It's Been Two Weeks, She's Developed Cactus Crotch Syndrome.

RCS, Rumpled Crotch Syndrome

The social faux pas (similar to vpl on a lady) for a gentleman or Sloane Ranger to wear trousers which are two large resulting in creases and suspicious-looking cloth bulges in the groin area.
Sadly, however, the Prime Minister's trousers were too big; he was suffering from RCS, rumpled crotch syndrome, which afflicted the previous Tory prime minister.

From "The Guardian" (April 29th 2011)

crotch snorkel

(n) a word to describe a penis.
Billy has a HUGE crotch snorkel!
crotch snorkel by Angelia August 27, 2005

crotch shock 

The disruption of social discourse prompted by the passing and/or presence of an attractive female. This state is known to temporarily render the individual incapable of speech and or interaction on any level which is caused from the shock of blood pumping south.
"Hey brah, so I was headed to the electric beach when I realized I forgot...." (long pause prompted by passing female). "Whoa. Uhhh, sorry I got crotch shock, what was I saying?"
crotch shock by Vito Nicola May 10, 2013

Crotch Stuffer 

Modestly endowed male who, to avoid embarrasment in changing and locker room situations, uses items such as socks and tissues to create the bulge that his small sexual organs never could.
Jon "I saw Ernie in his underwear after soccer practice, it looked like he's finally grown!"
Rachel "no he hasn't dude, i saw it all last week. Iv seen new born babies with bigger balls than that crotch stuffer."
Crotch Stuffer by Kolomarc August 28, 2006

crotch stick 

Hey, do any of you girls happen to have a crotch stick?
crotch stick by Liz May 13, 2005