shit in your hand 

to inconvenience someone

I don't mean to shit in your hand, but could you stop and buy some milk on your way home from work.

shit in your hand by thenipplehound November 19, 2011

Shit in your hand and clap 

A phrase that displays disdain, anger or frustration.

Scout from Team Fortress 2: What the hell is you guys' problem?!
Some guy: Shit in your hand and clap.
Scout from Team Fortress 2: But then I'll have shit in TWO hands!

Shit in your hand and clap by ChickenBiscuits27 January 22, 2024

Nothing in one hand and shit in the other

Neither of your two options are good. But one is just plain out shitty.

Jimmy: Unemployed David has a job offer for only $5hr.
Billy: Well he’s got nothing in one hand and shit in the other.

Nothing in one hand and shit in the other by Juice delhagen April 28, 2022

Wish in one hand, shit in the other. 

"Wish in one hand, shit in the other. See which one gets filled first." When a person wants the impossible.

Joe: We need world peace. Can't we just all get along?
Tom: Well Joe, Wish in one hand, shit in the other.

Wish in one hand, shit in the other. by ebensteben April 27, 2008

shit in someone's hand 

Verb. To betray someone.

I thought he was an ally, but Hitler shat in my hand and invaded my Western border.
-Stalin (rough translation)

shit in someone's hand by Kevin Sanchez-Windsor February 14, 2005

wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which 

You can take all of your wishes and wants, dreams, desires, and prayers, and put them all together....they still do not amount to shit.

Dad, I want a pony! Well, you can wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which one fills up faster.

wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which by Papa Bubbles November 5, 2017

Wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which hand the German guy eats out of. 

A reply given to someone who wishes for something because a part of their life is unfair, basically stating that life is full of good and bad things. In essence, wishes mean nothing.

This is the earliest version of the saying, with the reference to Germans eating shit coming from American soldiers in WWII.

You know what they say Ted: Wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which hand the German guy eats out of.

Wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which hand the German guy eats out of. by Bill Tetley June 19, 2011