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jumping the couch 

a rare disease where one randomly decides they should kill oprah, join scientology, or suddenly marry katie holmes.
Tom Cruise is one of the poor souls who have been diagnosed with the Jumping the Couch disorder.

sleeping on the couch 

I was sleeping on the couch last night.

Your wife was tripping?

Yeah bro, i think i fucked up

jumping the couch 

A celebrity committing career suicide on live television. Also see jump the shark.
Tom Cruise jumping the couch on Oprah.
jumping the couch by zygnus March 5, 2009

Fucked the Couch 

To mess something up in an open and obvious way, which negatively affects those around you.
Worker 1: Why didn't you complete your part of the project? Our deadline is tomorrow and we were counting on you.

Worker 2: Sorry, I really fucked the couch on this one.

slapped the couch 

To take out your frustration on an inanimate piece of furniture while simultaneously spewing man juice with the other hand while in the process of pleasuring one's self and watching a sporting event.
With his eyes rolled back in his head, Marc slapped the couch in a combination of angst and ecstasy as his beloved Cubbies choked once again.
slapped the couch by Bruce Levine October 13, 2007

deep in the couch 

When you are so high you feel like you are unable to move from the couch.
We were so deep in the couch last night.
deep in the couch by Lisa Avery December 5, 2007