My new boyfriend Benny seemed totally normal until he jumped the couch and started rubbing spicy brown mustard on his body at my family reunion.

Bro since I got dirtpilled on Tuesday I have made sooo many worm friends and made them soo many little houses to get married in. Me? Lonely? No you’re the lonely one u lawn owning freak

Sam is so upset about Jessica's request to break up, I think he might jump the couch.

During his interview on the Oprah show Tom Cruise began to jump the couch and went crazy...

<While in prison>
Convict A: Oooh, see him 'n his tight little ass?
Convict B: Yeah, player. Dats so hawt.
Convict A: He best watch himself and that cute little behind. Or I'ma jump his couch.

<Two people talking>

Tom: Man, Vanessa is goin' to come over tonight.
Tim: Yeah? You finally gonna hit that?
Tom: Yeah, she and I were talking. She said I could jump the couch with her.

My friend benny just jumped the couch and had sex with my sister!

"Then, as president, he jumped the couch by pedaling through the guns of August -the growing carnage and chaos in Iraq and Afghanistan." - Maureen Dowd, New York Times