paddlepuss 

Originally a surfer term. A person who plays in the white water and is afraid to stray from the beach. Can more largely be referred to someone who is afraid to take a risk.

I dare you to eat that centipede, don't be a paddlepuss!

paddlepuss by SallyTheSillySalmon September 19, 2021

Use the Paddles 

A phrase often used on people in trouble or requesting help. Unlike conventional phrases, it means that you can't help them, and they're on their own. Coined by a bystander watching a man trying to fight pirates off his paddle boat, but was overpowered.

Usually used in cases when the troubled person has no hope of winning otherwise, or is very likely to fail without outside support.

Soldier: "Sir! The enemy broke through our defenses! We can't hold them off!"
Commander: "USE THE PADDLES!"

Student 1: "Hey, I forgot to study for the test today. Any advice you could give me?"
Student 2: "Well, I guess you have to use the paddles."
Student 1: "Aw, shit."

Use the Paddles by AdmiralofShe October 16, 2016

Paddle faster, I hear banjos! 

A common exclamation when in or around hillbilly infested areas. Doesn't necessarily need to be used when in a canoe; merely a warning to the other non-hillbillies in the vicinity.

It was a bright and sunny day when my father and I decided to go fishing down by the ol' waterhole. I remember that the seagulls looked like delicate little clouds, fluttering in the breeze. We made our way to our canoe and rowed out, fishing rods in hand and a song in our hearts. As we made our way down to the waterhole, we became aware of an eerie silence. The trees around us swayed to a halt. Then, quietly at first but raising in intensity, we heard the twang of a banjo. My father turned to me, his face colorless as he said "Paddle faster, I hear banjos!"

Paddle faster, I hear banjos! by Survival Guide May 12, 2010

Shoulder Padding 

When two friends gently rest their cocks(2) and balls(4) upon the shoulder of a roommate's girlfriend. She must gaze foward at all times as for it not to be constituted as cheating.

I am appalled that Mike and Mike were "Shoulder Padding" Amber last night, exclaimed Marc.

Yeah man, talk about a low blow on her part.

Shoulder Padding by Kaaron Rodgers January 22, 2011

Paddle Hand 

An individual's preferred and dominant hand used for male or female masturbation.

My left hand is my paddle hand.

Hey braaaahhh. How's your mom's paddle hand.

Carl can't beat off for a while cause he broke his paddle hand.

Paddle Hand by Eaton Holgoode April 13, 2017

Padder 

An iPad kid or a person who’s addicted to their phone. Probably also has a short attention span and talks in memes.

Yo that kid’s such a padder!

Padder by padder69420 November 16, 2021

dirtbag paddler 

(noun) Paddler, of any level, who loves the River and the river lifestyle.

Goes rafting, kayaking, canoeing, SUP, whatever! Swims like a fish, and loves rain as much as sun. May be broke in the pocket, but rich and giving in the soul. Speaks the universal language, that of the River, in any of the tongues of the Dirtbag Paddler World - which is all of them. Survives on whatever it takes to get that next WALLACE fix. Would throw a rope to anyone! If your car smells like your gear, or better yet if you HAVE no car, you're a dirtbag.

One Love, One River! -Dirtbag Paddler
In my opinion, being a dirtbag paddler is a much nobler pursuit than merely trading my hours for a handful of dimes.

dirtbag paddler by FartyTheShark January 31, 2016