Jehovah 

A CHRISTIAN religion that is simply slightly stricter than others.

I was once part of this religion and can assure you that It is NOT a crazy cult that convinces you to give them money. This religion believes that there is only one god Jehovah (which is actually in the bible btw) and that we must try hard to follow his rules if we wish to get into paridise and live for ever.
It does not invent crazy irrational rules out of nowhere it simply follows exactly what the bible says. Some might say that this is stupid but IMO it is completlely pointless to only follow the rules in the bible that you like and ignore the ones that you you dont like some religions do.

In the bible it DOES state that you should refrain from any thing to do with paganism and we all know for a fact that christmas is a pagan religion.

It ISN'T about not having fun, or drinking or having parties its about having morals.
Personally I decided to leave the religion basically because I just plain don't like orginised religion and I think that you dont have to go to 3 (the actual no. of meetings) a week to get in touch with god.

I know many people who I am still in touch with from the religion who are good friends of mine and DO know how to have fun.

Also the religion does not belive in hell and belives that on the day of judgment EVERYBODY will be reserected and judged in the eyes of god no matter what they have done becuase god will know if they are a good person or not. They do not belive in hell because a god that could torture somone for all eternity would not be a just god.

Nobody in the religion is forced into anything children do not get baptised until they are at an age that they can decide for themselves what they want, me I decided it wasnt what I wanted but I wasn't shunned or judged.

Basically dont judge a religion that you dont really know anything about.

Jehovah by non biased August 17, 2006

Jehovah's Witnesses 

Students of the Bible who preach the "Kingdom of God." They claim that their God--Jehovah--is using Jesus Christ to bring an end to the world as we know it.

One of Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door, shared a scripture, and offered me a Watchtower magazine.

Jehovah's Witnesses by Mack C January 16, 2007

Jehovah's Fitness 

When a Jehovah's Witness loses weight from knocking on a lot of doors in their preaching ministry.

"Did you lose weight Brother Fatterson? You are looking very Jehovah's fitness"

Jehovah's Fitness by Beth Shan2 August 26, 2013

Jehovah's Witness 

A group of people who's faces are flat from getting doors slammed in their faces.

Jehovah's Witness: Ouch, my face feels like Kansas.

Jehovah's Witness by slatte November 13, 2006

Jehovah's Splitness 

The only real way you can deal with a JW that is a member of your family. No matter what you say you cannot convince them that they a working for an enormous tax dodge publishing empire based in NYC.

In return they have to stay away from you once you make it clear you think their beliefs are beyond whacky.

The result - you don't see each other, but you still get to go to all the fun things like birthdays etc without that freak being there. Win!

Bob: Hey, is that your brother in law? Lets go say hi.

Adam: Nah man, he's a JW, we are keeping our distance.

Bob: Sounds like some serious Jehovah's Splitness there bro?

Adam: Damn right, it's awesome.

Jehovah's Splitness by Witness the Fitness April 8, 2010

Jehovah's Witnesses 

Jehovah's Witnesses are Christians who believe that the Bible is God's word and that Jesus is their Savior. This Christian denomination dates back to the late 19th century. Charles Taze Russel is credited with organizing the first Bible study groups that later gave origin to the Jehovah's Witness sect; these groups focused on Bible prophecy and the second coming of Christ. This second coming is said to have happened invisibly in 1914 - a date that was originally thought to mark the end of the world or Armageddon. Their name comes from the Bible, the Book of Isaiah, Chapter 43, Verses 10 and 11. The meaning behind the name is rather clear. It indicates that they bear witness to Jehovah - Jehovah being the personal name of God. There are about 16.6 million Jehovah's Witnesses around the world, with only three countries (US, Brazil, and Mexico) holding a population of over half a million. Of that number, approximately 6.7 million Jehovah's Witnesses are involved in active preaching and are part of the official statistic count. They believe in a supreme God - a spirit which has a body, but not a human body. Jesus is the Lord and Savior but He is not a part of God. They do not believe in the Trinity - the father, son and holy spirit - as, for example, Catholics do. Rather, Jesus is separate from God and was God's servant on Earth. Jesus is also said to have been given an exalted status in heaven to a higher level than angels.

Because they believe Jesus is not God, that prayer is a form of worship, and that one must not worship false gods, they pray to God, not Jesus. They believe that after the end of the world, which is imminent, 144,000 people will get a chance to go to heaven. The rest will have a chance to be resurrected and live on a permanent paradise on Earth, as long as they are virtuous in life. Those judged unrighteous will cease to exist. Jehovah's Witnesses do not believe in a remaining soul after death. They believe all other religions to be false and are deeply involved in preaching as a way to impart the hope of resurrection to humanity. Politics is not an important part of life, as they believe governments will also be destroyed imminently. They rarely vote, and they do not take part in anything that has to do with national politics, including the singing of the national anthem or saluting the flag. They also do not celebrate birthdays or Christmas, and most avoid Thanksgiving, which they consider to be a Pagan holiday. Weddings and funerals are observed, and celebrating anniversaries is not forbidden. They tend to be conservative. Homosexuality, premarital sex, and abortion are considered sins. They do not accept blood transfusions, even if it means death. However, more and more hospitals are now using bloodless techniques in surgery, often crediting Jehovah's Witnesses as their push to research alternatives.

Jehovah's Witnesses by ♫ Highway to Hell ♫ September 13, 2010

Jehovah's Witness Apostate 

A loving and caring human being worthy of love. Jehovah's Witnesses are taught to shun anyone who leaves the organization or questions the Watchtower's beliefs and doctrines. Jehovah's Witness Apostates are intelligent, talented contributing members of society who are kind to small children and small animals.

Jehovah's Witness Apostate: "Excuse me Ma'am, you dropped your wallet"
Little Old Lady: "Oh thank you dear"

Jehovah's Witness Apostate by Beth Shan2 August 26, 2013