self helpful 

a condition of somebody that reads a lot of self help books and thinks they can solve every problem in life, often recommending these books to their friends instead of actually listening and giving genuine consolation

"I'm so bummed-out caus i just broke up with my boyfriend"

"o, i had that problem once too, you should totally read insert annoying self help title here."

...() () (thanks, you're so self helpful)

self helpful by pixelfairy June 24, 2008

Randy the Helpful Pineapple 

The pineapple helper of Stuff Magazine.

Randy the Helpful Pineapple says…

Randy the Helpful Pineapple by adonkeyisaass December 19, 2003

Non-helpful helpful boomer

The non-helpful helpful boomer is typically found in online groups on Facebook, but can infest other sites. The non-helpful helpful boomer will see a question asked online and will feel a compulsive urge to answer the question, even if they don't have any answers. Some may in fact use the opportunity to brag about something expensive they own to do the job.

For example;

"Hey does anybody know if I can use a printer to print out the templates to use and save some money, as I'm a little broke?"
Nh.h.b: "I would never, it takes too much time, but I do own a brand new top of the line cricut machine that I use to do it all for me."

Other nh.h.b. "I buy mine precut, so I don't know"

Third nh.h.b "Sheep are nice"

I can't use Facebook groups anymore because they are overrun with non-helpful helpful boomers.

Non-helpful helpful boomer by EvilA.J. February 22, 2023

ace is the place with the helpful hardware folks 

The Song that will get stuck in your head like a dogs cock up Trumps ass

ace is the place with the helpful hardware folks

ace is the place with the helpful hardware folks by Ace_is_the_place September 9, 2020

DMV helpful 

A customer service representative, server or any other service worker who is just helpful enough to get by.

I called the cable company to ask about my bill.
Were they helpful?
Yeah...DMV helpful! I was on for 40 minutes and I still don't have HBO.

DMV helpful by MelMomma March 13, 2010

Negative Helpful

The misinterpretation of someone's genuine efforts to problem-solve, provide solutions, or meet goals as being negative or pessimistic. Often encountered in workplaces or group projects where constructive feedback is misconstrued as criticism.

Every time I suggest a way to improve our process, they label me as "negative". I'm just trying to make things work better!
Chrystal wasn't being a downer; she was just being negative helpful. He genuinely wants the project to succeed.

Negative Helpful by ca127316 October 17, 2023

Helpfuk 

when the act of seeking assistance, or attempting to be helpful, actually worsens the problem.

Thomas Midgley, Jr. Invented Leaded petrol to stop knocking as well as the first CFC's to stop refrigerators from killing people. These were both real helpfuks.

Helpfuk by sozan November 13, 2012