Tortoise 

Rocks with heads and devilishly smart minds that will one day outsmart humans and superbots and destroy the world

My former pet tortoise just hacked into my computer and is training an army

Tortoise by CallingAllTortoises March 20, 2019

Tortoised

over consumption of alcoholic beverages to the point you fall asleep

There tortoised there gonna be calling in sick to work tomorrow

Tortoised by Tortoised January 11, 2009

Cock Block Tortoise

When someone puts a washing basket on their back to look like a tortoise and performs a cock block by crawling onto a couple's bed whilst they are making intercourse

"i got completely undressed, put on a washing basket and cock block tortoised onto nat's bed who was shagging zach"

Cock Block Tortoise by jabbott August 22, 2011

Tortoise 

An armored reptile, usually equipped with missile launchers which they hide under their shell. Highly underestimated, tortoises hide underground in small clumps, training for the day they unite and take over the world. They infiltrate human bases by appearing cute and posing as pets.

Not to be mistaken for turtles.

Fear me. And fear the tortoise.

Tortoise by I💗Hypixel May 18, 2016

tortoise head 

The name applied to poo that comes out just to say hello particularly in a manner that is unexpected and unwarranted. Ususally happens if you try holding it in for too long.

Damn, I have a tortoise head and I think its touching cloth. Think I better go snap one off before I shit my pants.

tortoise head by Coinage August 20, 2006

tortoiseshell calico cat

Fairly cute cats but can be assholes. Usually act nice when they know you better

"dude I got a tortoiseshell Calico cat"
"Be careful, it might scratch or bite you"

tortoiseshell calico cat by Master bay shan July 10, 2021

hairy tortoise 

one of the many terms given to a woman's reproductive parts

I won't tell You that I love You, kiss or hug You, coz I'm bluffin' with my hairy tortoise

hairy tortoise by Commander Rik January 25, 2011