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masturbating to the dictionary 

A phrase used as a comeback to a Grammar Nazi or to someone who says “grammar is sexy” during a conversation. It can be used in any situation to respond to someone who tries to shame you on your grammar.
i.e.
txt msg exchange
Timmy: Yo Jake, you wanna come over to Jason’s place to smoke after school? Meghan and Jill are coming over and I’m sure your have a dope time with us.
Jake: You mean *you’ll have a dope time.
Timmy: Dude, are you masturbating to the dictionary at your house? Don’t be such a Grammar Nazi.

Lucy: Hey Jamie, do you think Alex is doing good today after the party last night? You think he’s interested in hanging out later?
Jamie: You mean, doing WELL after the party…? Damn Lucy, grammar is sexy just an fyi.
Lucy: Wtf Jamie, when did you start masturbating to the dictionary?

Masturwarding 

To masturbate in school/public places.
Look that kid is masturwarding!
Masturwarding by TheShinRamen December 11, 2012

masturbearding 

To stroke one's beard with great intensity, almost as if the act is sexually gratifying.
I couldn't concentrate on the professor's lecture because he was masturbearding the whole time.

masturbating

I'm masturbating.
masturbating by ccthz January 27, 2021

furiously masturbating 

A type of masturbating practiced by reclusives who fear that their masturbatory time may be limited.

This is generally not the case, giving furious masterbaters a proclivity to masturbate a lot.
Instead of playing beer pong and sleazing on grimbos, Alex spent the night in his room, furiously masturbating.

Masturdating

Going out alone. I.e. seeing a movie by yourself, going to a restaurant alone.
Dude I saw No Country for Old Men twice by myself. I'm addicted to chronic masturdating
Masturdating by Mikeparsh September 25, 2010