Muffinchops
Similar to the famed Muttonchops of the 19th century, Muffinchops are tufts of hair grown thick and long by males as a sign of economic, social, or marital status. The difference between the ancient and modern version is location - Muffinchops appear on the back of the neck instead of the cheeks of the face. So named because of their tendency to curl in two opposing waves like the top of a grilled muffin, they are usually hidden under the longer rear strands of the classic Camaro Mullet so as to identify the bearer only to those who gain intimacy with the subject, usually by admiring his Lynyrd Skynyrd/Def Leppard sleeveless t-shirt or Chevy-emblem wifebeater. Most Muffinchops produce a scent quite similar to that of an un-scrubbed human taint, largely due to similarities in follicle size and absorbency. Widely considered to be a favorable mating characteristic, this is probably the origin of the related terms 'Taint-neck' and 'Spatchback' which outsiders use to identify the common Chopsman in his natural habitat.
While waiting in line at McDonalds at the local truckstop, Edna Mae Sally Jessy Raphael Phillips caught a whiff of Jimbob's pungent Muffinchops and couldn't resist asking him if he had an extra dollar she could borrow to get another Big Mac Value Meal. Twelve years later she has paid him back with eleven children and a beastly gut-flap big enough to conceal a spare track tire for his Camaro.
Muffinchops by Spanky MacKockleberry May 28, 2009
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