To Touch Cloth is to have one's poo-poo touch your underpants and leave a stain. It it's slightly more high brow than just to say "UGH I shat my boxers blud."
Ryan: Oh No I can feel my poo touching my lovely new y-front for the charity bin.
When you soil your underpants due to an unexpected shart.
Please note that this is the extreme case of a shart in which the fecal matter explodes beyond the crevice of your butt crack and makes contact with your undergarments.
Harold pushed his fart out so hard that the mudtouched the cloth. His wife regrets making the bean burritos.
Fogey/fogy /fougi/ sl. (early 18C+, orig. Scot) old-fashioned, stuck-in-the mud.
Person with old fashioned ideas which he is unwilling to change: Come to the disco and stop being such an old fogey!
You think me an old fogeyand an old tory, his thoughtful voice said. I saw three generations since O’Connel’s time. I remember the famine. Do you know that the orange lodges agitated for repeal of the union twenty years before O’Connel did or before the prelates of your communion denounced him as a demagogue? You fenians forget some things. (James Joyce, Ulysses. PenguinBooks,1992. p. 38)