theWestHamfan's definitions

perm three

male homosexual partners have the chance of a permutation of three. viz.
1. partner A. foreskin partner B. no foreskin
2. partner A. foreskin partner B. foreskin
3. partner A no foreskin partner B. no foreskin

steven minced in "hi duckies, alec's got a new partner""perm three?" questioned kevin "not likely" retorted steven "he's gone and got himself a bloody gnome"

by theWestHamfan December 10, 2003

cockchafer

1. large grey/brown beetle
2. a woman with a dried up vagina

1. "oi sean, me old mate, is that cockchafer in bed with you?"
2. "oi sean, me old mate are you gonna be SORE! you're in bed with thunderthighs the old cockchafer

by theWestHamfan December 10, 2003

chuffed to fuck

ecstatic, exceptionally happy over something

"i see alec's chuffed to fuck" commented kevin "one of his gnomes has just come third in the Miss Dagenham competition"
"blimey kev" retorted his dad "who came 1st & 2nd?"
"Two women from Keith Davis' snooker club"

by theWestHamfan December 13, 2003

y-fronts

old-fashioned underpants so called because the fly is made up of an upside down Y shape allowing quick access but still affording cover

Chris "Y-fronts" B***** MP was so excited by Tony's first election victory that he lowered his trousers in public and started masturbating, while singing Things Can Only Get Better and inviting men to perform oral sex on him.
Call me old-fashioned, but what's wrong with a glass of champagne

by theWestHamfan December 15, 2003

ball stones

hard gristle lumps that form in one's testicles during puberty

"in my opinion" sympathised the consultant "we will have to remove the veg part of trevor's meat and two veg"
"NOOO" screamed the semi-anaesthatised trevor "it's me GALL stones, not me BALL stones, you pillock"

by theWestHamfan December 15, 2003

doughnut swirly

when one is crapping and eating a doughnut at the same time; as one stands to wipe one's arse, one accidentally drops the doughnut into the pan. the dilemma is; should one pick out the doughnut, wash it under the tap, and carry on eating?

colin "what's that brown stain round your north and south kev?"
kevin "i've jus' finished a doughnut swirly."

by theWestHamfan December 15, 2003

turkey baster

lesbian who wants to give birth to her own child. so called because of the infamous episode of Brookside when artificial insemination was attempted using a turkey baster

kevin thought he had scored when he pulled ms spicer at stringfellows only to discover she was a turkey baster

by theWestHamfan December 17, 2003