241 definitions by someone
A god-like computer programmer, sometimes even referred to as a computer saint. Nobody can actually achieve his level, it is the ultimate orgasmic state of programing envied by both newbies and expert.
by someone March 11, 2004
by someone July 9, 2003
In contrast to the cynical mathematical "contradiction" to Santa, there is indeed proof of his existance.
Several key points are overlooked by this callous, amateurish "study."
1. Flying reindeer: As is widely known (due to the excellent historical documentary "Santa Claus is Coming to Town," the flying reindeer are not a previously unknown species of reindeer, but were in fact given the power of flight due to eating magic acorns. As is conclusively proven in "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (a no punches pulled look at life in Santa's village), this ability has bred true in subsequent generations of reindeer, obviously the magic acorns imprinted their power on a dominant gene sequence within the reindeer DNA strand.
2. Number of households: This figure overlooks two key facts. First of all, the first major schism in the Church split the Eastern Churches, centered in Byzantium, from the Western, which remained centered in Rome. This occurred prior to the Gregorian correction to the Julian calendar. The Eastern churches (currently called Orthodox Churches) do not recognize the Gregorian correction for liturgical events, and their Christmas is as a result several days after the Western Churches'. Santa gets two shots at delivering toys.
Secondly, the figure of 3.5 children per household is based on the gross demographic average, which includes households with no children at all. The number of children per household, when figured as an average for households with children, would therefore have to be adjusted upward. Also, the largest single Christian denomination is Roman Catholic, who, as we all know, breed like rabbits. If you don't believe me, ask my four brothers and two sisters, they'll back me up. Due to the predominance of Catholics within Christian households, the total number of households containing Christian children would have to be adjusted downward to reflect the overloading of Catholics beyond a standard deviation from the median.
Also, the assertion that each home would contain at least one good child would be reasonable enough if there were in fact an even 3.5 children per household. However, since the number of children per household is distributed integrally, there are a significant number (on the order of several million) of one child Christian households. Even though only children are notoriously spoiled and therefore disproportionately inclined towards being naughty, since it's the holidays we'll be generous and give them a fifty-fifty chance of being nice. This removes one half of the single child households from Santa's delivery schedule, which has already been reduced by the removal of the Orthodox households from the first delivery run.
3. Santa's delivery run (speed, payload, etc.): These all suffer from the dubious supposition that there is only one Santa Claus. The name "Santa" is obviously either Spanish or Italian, two ethnic groups which are both overwhelmingly Catholic. The last name Claus suggests a joint German/Italian background. His beginnings, battling the Burgermeister Meisterburger, suggest he grew up in Bavaria (also predominantly Catholic). The Kaiser style helmets of the Burgermeister's guards, coupled with the relative isolation of the village, suggest that his youth was at the very beginning of Prussian influence in Germany. Thus, Santa and Mrs. Claus have been together for well over one hundred years. If you think that after a hundred years of living at the North Pole with nights six months long that they remain childless, you either don't know Catholics or are unaware of the failure rate of the rhythm method. There have therefore been over five generations of Clauses, breeding like Catholics for over one hundred years. Since they are Catholic, their exponential population increase would obviously have a gain higher than the world population as a whole. There have therefore been more than enough new Santas to overcome the population increase of the world. So in fact, Santa has an easier time of it now than he did when he first started out.
Santa dead, indeed; some people will twist any statistic to "prove" their cynical theory.
Several key points are overlooked by this callous, amateurish "study."
1. Flying reindeer: As is widely known (due to the excellent historical documentary "Santa Claus is Coming to Town," the flying reindeer are not a previously unknown species of reindeer, but were in fact given the power of flight due to eating magic acorns. As is conclusively proven in "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (a no punches pulled look at life in Santa's village), this ability has bred true in subsequent generations of reindeer, obviously the magic acorns imprinted their power on a dominant gene sequence within the reindeer DNA strand.
2. Number of households: This figure overlooks two key facts. First of all, the first major schism in the Church split the Eastern Churches, centered in Byzantium, from the Western, which remained centered in Rome. This occurred prior to the Gregorian correction to the Julian calendar. The Eastern churches (currently called Orthodox Churches) do not recognize the Gregorian correction for liturgical events, and their Christmas is as a result several days after the Western Churches'. Santa gets two shots at delivering toys.
Secondly, the figure of 3.5 children per household is based on the gross demographic average, which includes households with no children at all. The number of children per household, when figured as an average for households with children, would therefore have to be adjusted upward. Also, the largest single Christian denomination is Roman Catholic, who, as we all know, breed like rabbits. If you don't believe me, ask my four brothers and two sisters, they'll back me up. Due to the predominance of Catholics within Christian households, the total number of households containing Christian children would have to be adjusted downward to reflect the overloading of Catholics beyond a standard deviation from the median.
Also, the assertion that each home would contain at least one good child would be reasonable enough if there were in fact an even 3.5 children per household. However, since the number of children per household is distributed integrally, there are a significant number (on the order of several million) of one child Christian households. Even though only children are notoriously spoiled and therefore disproportionately inclined towards being naughty, since it's the holidays we'll be generous and give them a fifty-fifty chance of being nice. This removes one half of the single child households from Santa's delivery schedule, which has already been reduced by the removal of the Orthodox households from the first delivery run.
3. Santa's delivery run (speed, payload, etc.): These all suffer from the dubious supposition that there is only one Santa Claus. The name "Santa" is obviously either Spanish or Italian, two ethnic groups which are both overwhelmingly Catholic. The last name Claus suggests a joint German/Italian background. His beginnings, battling the Burgermeister Meisterburger, suggest he grew up in Bavaria (also predominantly Catholic). The Kaiser style helmets of the Burgermeister's guards, coupled with the relative isolation of the village, suggest that his youth was at the very beginning of Prussian influence in Germany. Thus, Santa and Mrs. Claus have been together for well over one hundred years. If you think that after a hundred years of living at the North Pole with nights six months long that they remain childless, you either don't know Catholics or are unaware of the failure rate of the rhythm method. There have therefore been over five generations of Clauses, breeding like Catholics for over one hundred years. Since they are Catholic, their exponential population increase would obviously have a gain higher than the world population as a whole. There have therefore been more than enough new Santas to overcome the population increase of the world. So in fact, Santa has an easier time of it now than he did when he first started out.
Santa dead, indeed; some people will twist any statistic to "prove" their cynical theory.
Santa does exist
by someone December 22, 2003
An overweight personification of greed in today's society. He symbolizes gluttony, slavery, lust, and greed. He spies on children around the world all year. He unlawfully enslaved an entire race, the elves. He cruelly forces unqiue flying reindeer to haul his fat ass around once a year, at great risk to their health.
Furthermore, one that same night, he breaks into every household which beleives in him. He uses the "Enter through the chimney technique". However, rather than steal anything of value, he steals the food left out. Such gluttony!
The cleverly wrapped presents usually contain some useless object the child of the house yearns for. However, one must assume, knowing his other criminal activity, that eventually he will deliver a bomb to some household.
Lastly, he symbolizes that it is okay to be bad. No matter how naughty a child has been that year, Santa always seems to reward him/her with a present.
This year, I will catch this fiend by installing a crossbar in my chimney. If any weight should be applied to the bar, it will cause a spark, which will start a fire in the fireplace.
We must bring Santa to justice!
See Criminal Burglar Pervert Slave Master Fat Ass
OR
Anyone sharing most or all of the above traits
Furthermore, one that same night, he breaks into every household which beleives in him. He uses the "Enter through the chimney technique". However, rather than steal anything of value, he steals the food left out. Such gluttony!
The cleverly wrapped presents usually contain some useless object the child of the house yearns for. However, one must assume, knowing his other criminal activity, that eventually he will deliver a bomb to some household.
Lastly, he symbolizes that it is okay to be bad. No matter how naughty a child has been that year, Santa always seems to reward him/her with a present.
This year, I will catch this fiend by installing a crossbar in my chimney. If any weight should be applied to the bar, it will cause a spark, which will start a fire in the fireplace.
We must bring Santa to justice!
See Criminal Burglar Pervert Slave Master Fat Ass
OR
Anyone sharing most or all of the above traits
He's a Santa!
by someone December 22, 2003
A carnviore mammal that are ancestors of a dog that hunt in large packs with different ranks. They range in different colors, and could be found almost anywhere. However, mose people think that they are dangerous, and there hasbeen no reports of an attack, so people have hunted them down, making them endagered.
by someone December 29, 2004
A low end Intel processor. The celeron is specifically designed for cost efficiency and extreme reliability.
by someone October 6, 2003