Definitions by scodder

I must ask you to eat crap sandwiches, you Malthusian monkey molester 

"I must ask you to eat crap sandwiches, you Malthusian monkey molester," is the definitive, empirically tested retort which wins an argument forever, and for which no come back is possible.

Edbogard: .. and so I think that Sartre was essentially in error when he mistook the homology between ontogeny and...

Pasco: Arrgh! I can't take it any more! I must ask you to eat crap sandwiches, you Malthusian monkey molester!

Edbogard: I...

*thud*

I must ask you to eat crap sandwiches, you Malthusian monkey molester by scodder November 15, 2012

masturfellation 

Masturfellation means whacking someone off while giving them head.

Alonso: How was your date with Sofia?

Dionisio: It was fantastic! We had a lovely dinner followed by an evening of masturfellation.

Alonso: Atta boy!

masturfellation by scodder November 9, 2012

squintercourse 

Squintercourse is two people with bad eyesight doing the wild thing.

Pasquale: So how did your night with Debbi go?

Enrico: We both took off our glasses and it turned into a total squintercourse.

I believe at one point I was boffing her bellybutton.

Pasquale: Yikes!

squintercourse by scodder November 6, 2012

dog fluffer

A dog fluffer is someone who prepares male dogs for breeding by manual stimulation.

Carlo: Why do you smell like dog spooge?

Fredo: I got a job as a dog fluffer. I'm so ashamed.

Carlo: There, there...

dog fluffer by scodder November 5, 2012

elk molester 

An elk molester is someone who takes advantage of the gentle and docile nature of these magnificent creatures to satisfy their vile sexual needs.

Swayze: What's wrong with "Elko"?

Sneezy: Elk molesters got him.

Swayze: The bastards!

elk molester by scodder November 2, 2012

sexy pig

A sexy pig is a pig in garters, fishnet stockings, and a lacy bra with eight cut-away cups.

Looks surprisingly hot on boars too.

Otis: I'm feelin' some yearnin's for your pig.

Festus: No surprise, bro. Look at the way it's tricked out. That's one sexy pig!

sexy pig by scodder November 1, 2012

blowjay 

A blowjay means giving a blowjob to a bluejay.

Very popular among bird watchers - and bluejays.

Cedric:Why is that bird so happy?

Cynthia: I just gave him a blowjay.

Cedric: Chirp!

Cynthia: Why certainly, my darling.

blowjay by scodder October 31, 2012