peter kobs's definitions

Hate TV

1. Television that encourages viewers to hate, despise and fear "the enemy." George Orwell predicted the rise of Hate TV in his novel "1984." Usually found on the cable channels, Hate TV is the fastest-growing type of pseudo-news. Key characteristics include:

- Scapegoating (blaming a small group for the problems of all)
- Fear-mongering (raising the specter of impending tyranny)
- Simplistic thinking (condensing complex issues into a few hate-filled slogans)
- Truthiness (presenting rumors as established fact)
- Repetition (to give lies the ring of truth)
- Stereotyping (along racial, ethnic or religious lines)
- Assault Interviewing (attacking guests who disagree with the party line)
- Pandering (filling a studio with partisan crowds who will cheer or boo on cue)
- Thematic Aggregation ("packaging" a variety of fears, prejudices and hot-button issues under a common theme)
- Code Words (using substitutes for common racial slurs, insults, etc.)
- Multi-Media Marketing (combining TV with publishing, radio, websites, etc. to reinforce the core message)
- Narrowing (redefining the boundaries of "acceptable belief" to ostracize moderates)
- Movement Hype (promoting a specific group of people as the only "true" Americans)
- Event Manipulation (exaggerating the size, impact or diversity of a protest or political rally)

Hate TV inevitably leads to greater political polarization, up to and including acts of violence against the perceived "enemy."

"Did you hear about that guy who crashed is plane into the IRS building in Austin, Texas?"

"Yeah, he killed two people, including a father who served in Vietnam."

"Well, Hate TV is saying he was a patriot and should be congratulated for standing up to the government."

"Scary stuff...What's next -- public lynchings in prime time?"

by Peter Kobs April 9, 2010

Nuke Crib

1. A secret storage place for illegal nuclear weapons or nuke technology.

2. A nuclear weapons development facility that is purposely kept hidden from IAEA inspectors.

2. Iran's secret nuke plant beneath the "holy" city of Qum, which was disclosed by U.S. President Obama at the United Nations in September 2009.

Using satellite imagery and espionage, we located Iran's secret Nuke Crib in a set of tunnels near Qum. They put the facility there to make it harder to bomb because of possible collateral damage to the ancient Qum mosques.

by Peter Kobs September 28, 2009

Football Withdrawal Syndrome

1. The agonizing mental process of accepting that football season is finally over.

This serious mental disorder afflicts millions of Americans every year, usually in the second week of February. Effective therapy is not available until the following August, at the earliest.

2. A crisis in the national spirit that is mitigated (only slightly) by the arrival of March Madness -- the NCAA basketball tournament.

3. The realization that life as we know it has ended, at least for six torturously long months.

4. Proof that Arena Football will never take the place of the real thing.

Hank was hospitalized on February 12 with severe anxiety and chest pain. Following a series of CAT scans at the Mayo Clinic, he was diagnozed with Football Withdrawal Syndrome (FWS). May God have mercy on his soul.

by Peter Kobs January 1, 2010

Gifted Child

1. An average student with insecure parents.

2. The elitist notion that only some children have "gifts" or talents worthy of attention.

3. A hollow form of "self-praise by proxy" that snobby parents use to bolster their social standing.

Our son Timmy is a Gifted Child. He should be in a special school to nurture his extraordinary talents - at taxpayer expense. Did I tell you that I drive a BMW?

by Peter Kobs December 10, 2009

Haiti Test

1. A major news event that reveals someone's true values and personality.

2. How people react to a massive disaster, such as the Haiti earthquake of January 2010 -- with compassion and care, or sarcasm and selfishness.

Following the Jan. 12 earthquake, most people expressed sorrow and an urge to help those in distress. However, some people resorted to "blaming the victim" or condemning "taxpayer-funded" relief efforts. Hidden hatred of minorities, poor people and "foreigners" is often at the root of such heartless statements following a major catastrophe.

Two famous men failed the Haiti Test this month: Pat Robertson said Haiti was being punished by God for "making a pact with the devil" in the late 1700s. Rush Limbaugh called Haiti relief efforts a political ploy by the Obama administration to "burnish his reputation" with the light-skinned and dark-skinned black community" in the U.S.

by Peter Kobs January 18, 2010

GD2

This acronym stands for "Great Depression #2." It's shorthand for the seemingly imminent collapse of the global economic system starting in late 2008 and continuing into 2009. Some professional economists, as well as ordinary working people, are fearful that the spiralling financial meltdown will lead to a decade-long repeat of the 1930s, complete with bread lines, soup kitchens, radical uprisings and the possibility of global violence. "Happy times are here again!"

"The collapse of AIG is just one more sign that GD2 is here, my friends."

by Peter Kobs December 22, 2008

Twitter Critter

1. A person who spends WAY too much time on Twitter, to the detriment of his or her job, family, friends and/or mental health.
2. A cell-phone Twitter texting maniac.
3. Someone who believes they are the center of the universe, despite abundant evidence to the contrary.

Tim has become a Twitter Critter. He can't keep anything private anymore. I wish he'd get a life!

by Peter Kobs August 5, 2009