The New Yorker staff fired Jeffrey Toobin for Toobin on an election simulation Zoom call after he misread the event as an erection stimulation call.
by Nicholas D October 21, 2020
Jared: "Oh man, don't tell me these jokers are trying to get high off the Reddi-Wip can again."
Reggie: "Yeah, the hell with that shit. I've got a fat bag of grass we can smoke back at my place. Let's blow this bitch."
Jared: "Word to your mother."
Reggie: "Yeah, the hell with that shit. I've got a fat bag of grass we can smoke back at my place. Let's blow this bitch."
Jared: "Word to your mother."
by Nicholas D November 23, 2007
Zero Interest Rate Phenomenon. In the period of near-zero interest rates that lasted from roughly 2008-2021, cash was cheap and many people - especially large tech companies - were throwing away money on silly things. Those things went away in 2022 and are now known as ZIRPs.
Googler 1: “Arrrgh I can’t fix this bug! Can you call the office fluffer down here to help get my mind off this for a bit?”
Googler 2: “Sorry chief, they got rid of the fluffers in ‘22. Just like the dog spa and the corporate Segways. Those were all ZIRPs, bud. Welcome to the age of austerity.”
Googler 2: “Sorry chief, they got rid of the fluffers in ‘22. Just like the dog spa and the corporate Segways. Those were all ZIRPs, bud. Welcome to the age of austerity.”
by Nicholas D March 25, 2024
To mess up completely and utterly; to screw the pooch. Comes from pornstar/influencer/philosopher Aella's 2024 birthday gangbang, where 5 of the 37 guys allowed to have intercourse with Aella came in the fluffer and missed their shot at the birthday girl. A fluffer is an assistant who keeps performers excited on pornography sets to prepare for their scene.
Johnson, if you don't get that TPS report in by end of day you're going to get shitcanned. Step it up and don't cum in the fluffer here.
by Nicholas D March 04, 2024
(adj) Pertaining to or characteristic of criminal behavior. Comes from jip, the acronym form of justice-involved person, the new official San Francisco PC term for a convicted felon.
Kid: "Hey dad, I'm heading off to Upgrayedd's house to shoot up hero- I mean study AP Physics. Laters on the menjay!"
Parent: "Ok, sport. I'm happy you found some nicer and more wholesome friends. Your old buddies Poindexter and Eugene always seemed like they were up to no good. Hanging out at the library all the time seemed super jippy. I know kids just go there to smoke drugs."
Kid: "Sure dad, I'll come back after we finish robbing the liq- uh...I mean cramming for that test."
Parent: "Go get 'em, chief."
Parent: "Ok, sport. I'm happy you found some nicer and more wholesome friends. Your old buddies Poindexter and Eugene always seemed like they were up to no good. Hanging out at the library all the time seemed super jippy. I know kids just go there to smoke drugs."
Kid: "Sure dad, I'll come back after we finish robbing the liq- uh...I mean cramming for that test."
Parent: "Go get 'em, chief."
by Nicholas D September 02, 2019
Attempting to get the worst possible gas mileage. The opposite of hypermiling. Usually done to look like a rebel or to spite the system or environmentalist hippies.
Dave: "What up dogg. Let's head over to Mel's Tavern and throw back some Jager bombs."
Pat: "No can do, broski. I'm all out of cash. Had to fill up the Hummer 4 times this week at $4.50 a gallon."
Dave: "Whaaat? How can you go through that much gas? You don't even drive that much."
Pat: "Hypomiling, man, all the way. I loaded a half-ton of bricks into the trunk, added air shields for extra wind resistance, and of course a full-size fridge in the back that runs off gas. Not to mention accelerating and braking as fast as possible and revving the engine at every stoplight. I've gotten this baby down to 2 miles a gallon!"
Dave: "Um...yeah, that's great, but now you're broke."
Pat: "It's totally worth it! Yesterday I put together a poster of my gas receipts and odometer readings, then showed it to a bunch of people at Whole Foods. You should have seen the looks on their faces. Dirty hippies! I got them good! My carbon footprint is bigger than the Grand Canyon! Hahaha!!! Eat that, Al Gore! I am the greatest hypomiler alive!!! Mwhahahahaha!!!"
Dave: "Dude, you've really lost it this time."
Pat: "No can do, broski. I'm all out of cash. Had to fill up the Hummer 4 times this week at $4.50 a gallon."
Dave: "Whaaat? How can you go through that much gas? You don't even drive that much."
Pat: "Hypomiling, man, all the way. I loaded a half-ton of bricks into the trunk, added air shields for extra wind resistance, and of course a full-size fridge in the back that runs off gas. Not to mention accelerating and braking as fast as possible and revving the engine at every stoplight. I've gotten this baby down to 2 miles a gallon!"
Dave: "Um...yeah, that's great, but now you're broke."
Pat: "It's totally worth it! Yesterday I put together a poster of my gas receipts and odometer readings, then showed it to a bunch of people at Whole Foods. You should have seen the looks on their faces. Dirty hippies! I got them good! My carbon footprint is bigger than the Grand Canyon! Hahaha!!! Eat that, Al Gore! I am the greatest hypomiler alive!!! Mwhahahahaha!!!"
Dave: "Dude, you've really lost it this time."
by Nicholas D June 10, 2008
Short for investment banking, an industry devoted to squeezing money out of transactions, famous for paying a metric shitload, being filled with douchebags, and doing absolutely nothing for the benefit of society. It is amazing that anyone actually ends up in this industry, as you have to be very smart to get such a job, but very stupid to take it.
Common characteristics are:
1) 80-100+ hour weeks, rarely even a weekend day off. Although it pays a lot in absolute terms, if you consider it on a per-hour basis (including overtime pay), it's not too far above minimum wage.
2) Meaningless, tedious, mind-numbing work.
3) A constant false sense of urgency on all projects.
4) Bonuses almost as big and sometimes bigger than base salaries, that is if you survive until bonus time.
5) Ranking everyone in the firm on the scale {Analyst, Associate, Vice President, Director/Executive Director, Managing Director, and so on}, often even HR, secretaries, and sanitation workers. Contradictorily, an "Analyst" in HR doesn't analyze anything, and a "Vice President" really isn't very important or high up at all.
6) Consistently recruits top college graduates into voluntary sweatshop-like slave labor camps called "Analyst programs."
Common characteristics are:
1) 80-100+ hour weeks, rarely even a weekend day off. Although it pays a lot in absolute terms, if you consider it on a per-hour basis (including overtime pay), it's not too far above minimum wage.
2) Meaningless, tedious, mind-numbing work.
3) A constant false sense of urgency on all projects.
4) Bonuses almost as big and sometimes bigger than base salaries, that is if you survive until bonus time.
5) Ranking everyone in the firm on the scale {Analyst, Associate, Vice President, Director/Executive Director, Managing Director, and so on}, often even HR, secretaries, and sanitation workers. Contradictorily, an "Analyst" in HR doesn't analyze anything, and a "Vice President" really isn't very important or high up at all.
6) Consistently recruits top college graduates into voluntary sweatshop-like slave labor camps called "Analyst programs."
Vice President #1: "SHIT!!! I'm going to have to spend all weekend getting this investor request done!!!"
Vice President #2: "Calm down man, it's not due back to them til the end of next week!"
VP #1: "NO, it needs to be done NOW!!! Where are all those analysts we hired? One of them can do the mindless bitch work."
VP #2: "Um, one committed suicide, two ended up in the mental ward, and another drowned in the huge pool of bullshit."
VP #1: "DAMN IT!!! We need to hire a new one. How about that janitor analyst Joe?"
VP #2: "Um...I guess so..."
VP #1: "Hey Joe, do you want a job as a corporate finance I-banking analyst here at Goldman Sachs? We'll pay you $60,000 base and you'll probably get $60,000 more in bonus. All we need from you is to give up every waking hour of your life, your health, and your soul."
Joe: "No thanks, I'd rather unclog toilets. Besides, I already make $8 an hour - I don't want to take a pay cut."
VP #1: "OH SHIT!!! WE'RE SO SCREWED!!! This needs to get done NOW!!!"
VP #2: "Whatever man, just make Nick D do it."
Vice President #2: "Calm down man, it's not due back to them til the end of next week!"
VP #1: "NO, it needs to be done NOW!!! Where are all those analysts we hired? One of them can do the mindless bitch work."
VP #2: "Um, one committed suicide, two ended up in the mental ward, and another drowned in the huge pool of bullshit."
VP #1: "DAMN IT!!! We need to hire a new one. How about that janitor analyst Joe?"
VP #2: "Um...I guess so..."
VP #1: "Hey Joe, do you want a job as a corporate finance I-banking analyst here at Goldman Sachs? We'll pay you $60,000 base and you'll probably get $60,000 more in bonus. All we need from you is to give up every waking hour of your life, your health, and your soul."
Joe: "No thanks, I'd rather unclog toilets. Besides, I already make $8 an hour - I don't want to take a pay cut."
VP #1: "OH SHIT!!! WE'RE SO SCREWED!!! This needs to get done NOW!!!"
VP #2: "Whatever man, just make Nick D do it."
by Nicholas D April 27, 2007