Definitions by nbakuchev
Ron Paul
Obviously the people who are extolling him have never had the misfortune of living in his district.
The guy who:
-Voted for Claudette aid but not Ike aid, because he had to appease his national constituents and did not care that Gilchrist and Bolivar looked like nuclear bombs hit them because he got famous.
-Called for NFIP premiums to be lowered with the Flood Control and Modernization Act but said we shouldn't pay for Katrina because he's totally not racist. Oh, and the NFIP was not billions in the hole after the 2005 hurricane season, and is a program a small-government libertarian would support.
-Had a newsletter that his Democratic opponent got a hold of in 1994 that said blacks were notoriously "fleet-footed" and cited bogus statistics from the Department of Justice. When the Victoria Advocate asked his office to disclose the newsletter to refute it, he refused. Did I mention he's not racist?
-The Houston Chronicle and the Victoria Advocate always endorse the other guy running against him.
-Says he doesn't vote for earmarks but got a bunch of pork barrel spending for shrimpers in Lake Jackson.
The guy who:
-Voted for Claudette aid but not Ike aid, because he had to appease his national constituents and did not care that Gilchrist and Bolivar looked like nuclear bombs hit them because he got famous.
-Called for NFIP premiums to be lowered with the Flood Control and Modernization Act but said we shouldn't pay for Katrina because he's totally not racist. Oh, and the NFIP was not billions in the hole after the 2005 hurricane season, and is a program a small-government libertarian would support.
-Had a newsletter that his Democratic opponent got a hold of in 1994 that said blacks were notoriously "fleet-footed" and cited bogus statistics from the Department of Justice. When the Victoria Advocate asked his office to disclose the newsletter to refute it, he refused. Did I mention he's not racist?
-The Houston Chronicle and the Victoria Advocate always endorse the other guy running against him.
-Says he doesn't vote for earmarks but got a bunch of pork barrel spending for shrimpers in Lake Jackson.
Ron Paul is the ultimate Machiavellian politician, because he has the appearance of virtue without actually having it.
Hippie
A bunch of ideological nutjobs. These people believed in a utopian version of the world where there would be no war and no violence, completely disregarding evolutionary psychology and man's intrinsic desire to acquire more power and prestige.
The people who got Nixon elected. People were fed up with the riots and outlandishness of Hippies, so they elected Nixon. By helping get Nixon elected, they indirectly made the drugs they loved so much illegal and spurred on the War on Drugs.
The people who claim credit for movements that they had nothing to do with. The women's lib movement actually started when women worked in the factories during WWII, and the black power movement has roots in Truman desegregating the military.
The people who protested the Vietnam War but didn't end it. Walter Cronkite had more to do with the ending of the Vietnam War because people trusted Cronkite more than Hippies. Ironically enough, the anti-war movement started when they started sending white middle class college students to fight the NVA, because it's alright when poor blacks and Latinos are getting sent off to the jungles to die but not whites.
The people who later became teabaggers. The teabaggers largely are comprised of former Hippies who are hitting their midlife crisis, so they're trying to recapture their youth by holding signs of Obama as an African witch doctor.
The people who got Nixon elected. People were fed up with the riots and outlandishness of Hippies, so they elected Nixon. By helping get Nixon elected, they indirectly made the drugs they loved so much illegal and spurred on the War on Drugs.
The people who claim credit for movements that they had nothing to do with. The women's lib movement actually started when women worked in the factories during WWII, and the black power movement has roots in Truman desegregating the military.
The people who protested the Vietnam War but didn't end it. Walter Cronkite had more to do with the ending of the Vietnam War because people trusted Cronkite more than Hippies. Ironically enough, the anti-war movement started when they started sending white middle class college students to fight the NVA, because it's alright when poor blacks and Latinos are getting sent off to the jungles to die but not whites.
The people who later became teabaggers. The teabaggers largely are comprised of former Hippies who are hitting their midlife crisis, so they're trying to recapture their youth by holding signs of Obama as an African witch doctor.
Guy 1: "Did you see those Hippies that got shot at Kent State?"
Guy 2: "Yeah, they called it a massacre but I would hardly classify 4 people dying as a massacre."
Guy 2: "Yeah, they called it a massacre but I would hardly classify 4 people dying as a massacre."
Social Security
Originally created to help the unfortunate during the Great Depression, it turned into a multi-billion dollar ponzi scheme that will never be voluntarily abolished due to the lobbying power of the AARP and the fact that old people vote more. Social security takes a little over 20% of total expenditures, and the privileged gerontocrats that lived long enough to receive it get three times the amount they paid in the first year of receiving benefits. Most Gen Xers and Millennials will never see a penny of the FICA money they paid in because economists estimate the money from social security will run out by 2030.
Guy 1: "Man, I'll never see a penny of social security money."
Guy 2: "That's because teabagger baby boomers are going to suck off all your hard earned dollars while simultaneously asserting that socialist programs need to stop."
Guy 2: "That's because teabagger baby boomers are going to suck off all your hard earned dollars while simultaneously asserting that socialist programs need to stop."
Social Security by nbakuchev June 6, 2010
CIA
Possibly the worst fucking alphabet agency you'll find. They plunked $9 million (1973 dollars) into getting Salvador Allende out of office, but were too goddamn stupid and it took a junta with half the IQ of a CIA agent to overthrow the government. Any successes they have, they fall ass backwards into. They were put in charge of "interrogating terrorists," but did more to piss off the Arabs and turn non-terrorists into actual terrorists once they got out of Gitmo.
Gives more ammo to a radical imam than an al-Qaida video of an Abrams tank getting blown up to the sound of a muezzin giving the adhan.
Acronym for "Can't Instigate Anything."
The worst waste of money in this country besides Bush Jr's presidential pension.
The place where people who can't get into the State Department or FBI go when they fail the entrance exams.
Gives more ammo to a radical imam than an al-Qaida video of an Abrams tank getting blown up to the sound of a muezzin giving the adhan.
Acronym for "Can't Instigate Anything."
The worst waste of money in this country besides Bush Jr's presidential pension.
The place where people who can't get into the State Department or FBI go when they fail the entrance exams.
I heard the CIA gave the prince of Jordan a bunch of New York hookers in the 70s to keep King Hussein on our side.
Carpetbagger
Carpetbaggers have a long history. The first Carpetbaggers came to the South from Yankee states after the Civil War to make a quick buck. Later Carpetbaggers moved to the South in the 1970s when the big 3 automakers in Detroit started to fail. Modern-day Carpetbaggers primarily move to 5 cities in Texas (El Paso, Houston, San Antonio, Austin, and Dallas) to escape the wretched economic prospects of their home states (usually California and Yankee states). They will take jobs from Texans and are generally ungrateful bastards, frequently calling Texans rednecks and complaining about how it sucks here as compared to their squathole in Mexifornia or New England. If Texas sucks so much, then why are you here?
The most famous modern-day Carpetbagger is Joseph Stack, the guy who rammed his plane into the IRS building in Austin.
Get out of Texas, carpetbagger!
Get out of Texas, carpetbagger!
Carpetbagger by nbakuchev June 6, 2010