mr. softey's definitions

Wake Up Ball

Interrupting a loved one's slumber with the sudden placement of one's testicles into their mouth.

A combination of the teabag with the alarm cock method.

"There's nothing quite like a saggy-scrotumed Wake Up Ball to start the day off right!"

"Here's your 2am Wake Up Ball, you nut-gargling whore!"

"Got any tic tacs? This morning's Wake Up Ball wasn't exactly minty fresh."

by Mr. Softey January 23, 2009

Jean-Claude God Damn

An exclamation one yells out when, upon turning on the telly, you are unpleasantly surprised by the presence of a horrid Jean-Claude Van Damme movie.

"Jean-Claude God Damn! I give one lousy thumbs up to a Chuck Norris flick, and now my Tivo is infested with this asshole!"

"Jean-Claude God Damn! If they rerun Timecop one more time I'm going on a killing spree"

by Mr. Softey January 23, 2009

Fruitastic

Something that is positive and yet gay at the same time.

Gaylord: "Did you hear they legalized gay marriage in California?"
Armande: "Good for them, that's fruitastic!"
Gaylord: "Not to change the subject, but what do you think of the paisley ascot I'm wearing."
Armande: "That too, is fruitastic."

by Mr. Softey January 26, 2009

Johnny Redchips

A card player who has amassed a large collection of, mostly red poker chips. Since reds are the lowest valued chip, it makes you look like you have a lot of money when you really don't.

"Another massive three dollar pot taken down by Johnny Redchips!"

"Can anybody break a five? Johnny Redchips is cashing out."

"You see my dollar and raise me a quarter? Why, that's too rich for my blood, Johnny Redchips!"

by Mr. Softey January 23, 2009

calling in gay

Calling in sick to work for a gay reason.

>> Why aren't you getting dressed? Don't you have to leave for work in 20 minutes?
<< I'm thinking of calling in gay so I can catch a matinee of "Benjamin Button".

by Mr. Softey February 4, 2009