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Definitions by mike read

eastender 

either a crap soap opera about cockney wanker or the real life place where true cockey waners live
everyone's talking about it- yeah they are saying thank fuck I don't live in the east end like these tossers.
eastender by mike read August 7, 2003

knees up mother brown 

national anthem of cockneyland
aind, knees ap muvva brahn, etc

jam bands 

musical groups with a lyrical disposition towards preserves of all kinds.
jam bands by mike read August 7, 2003
either something you do to a salad, or another word for wanking. or wanking into a salad.
jamie oliver said "it's been a good night's tossing once again, guvnah."
tossing by mike read August 7, 2003

Cockney Wanker 

Someone from London, usually second hand car salesmen, who read the sun newspaper, call all women " dawlin' " (trans: darling) and general ponce about the place like they are something special.
Cor Blimey Guvnah, I'm a cockney wanker, and no mistake!
Cockney Wanker by Mike Read July 27, 2003
someone who, bizarely, wishes they were a Cockney when they aren't one. Even more annoying than a cockney wanker since the latter can't help it, but a mockney is so by choice.
That Jamie Oliver is a right mockney wanker
mockney by Mike Read July 27, 2003