maks's definitions

diva

irritating buzzword used by major record labels and media outlets on a slow news day to describe female singers (songs of which are usually prepared by the same three writers) whose musical releases usually consist of the same generic pap and the mainstay of whose audience tends to be depressed housewives who fantasize that the lyrics are about them.

chanteuse is another such buzzword. It should be mentioned that the Canadian corporate media will not hesitate to use said word on front page, even if a bomb has gone off at the U.N. or leprosy has infected the British royal family, to describe irritating women singers such as celine dion, to promote such singers as proud embodiments of Canadiana, despite the fact that if the Canadian populace was forced to sit through a Celine Dion or shania twain concert, twenty percent of Canadians would attempt suicide.

Harry picked up a copy of today's Toronto Star. The small text adjacent to the page listing read "FERGIE 5TH LEPER VICTIM". This seemed like an interesting story...but as he flipped over the paper to read its headline he was confronted by a full-colour protrait of that Quebecois monstrosity with the headline in size-40 type: DIVA DION TOPS. He shook his head. Another slow news day.

by maks August 16, 2004

worst band ever

the california raisins.

worst band ever...need I say more?

by maks July 21, 2004

confusing as father's day at shawn kemp's house

a very confising situation. Named so because Mr. Kemp has six children with four different women, and so the occurence of father's day will likely feature puzzlement on Mr. Kemp's part as he tries to match the children with their mothers, not to mention the catfight bound to break out when four ghetto ladies gather to discuss the children fathered by the same man.

-How was the math exam?
-Fuck, I dont think I got a question right. It was as confusing as father's day at shawn kemp's house...

by maks July 23, 2004

Kon

A Ukrainian wigga who's watch is bigger than his shizzle dizzle.

1.) Wear's a beanie.
2.) Got no game
3.) Listens to Eminem

by Maks May 13, 2003

e-penis

a term used in connection with internet-related boasting or toughguy-ness. The more one boasts the larger his e-penis can be said to be. The term is a mildly insulting comparison of one's unconfirmable boasts with individuals' boasts of their penile length

InternetDude01: I dont care if they were Hells Angels. I would have fucking fucked up all of them...baseball bat to the knees, then pepper-spray to the eyes when theyre on the ground...
InternetDude02: Wow, your e-penis must be at least a meter long...

by maks August 6, 2006

antique farm equipment

a somewhat obscure racial slur used against black folk- the inference being that they were used for farm work a good while ago and so would be "antique".

Larry shook his head, "Now ah say this was a good neighborhood but now its being overrun by these dang pieces of antique farm equipment..."

by maks May 20, 2004

national post

canadian national newspaper, the canadian equivalent of the usa today. absolutely obsessed with terrorism, israel and celine dion, and it is a sure bet that any day's headline not being about "NEW TERROR THREAT TO CANADIAN FAMILIES!!!" will be either "SHANIA UNVEILS NEW SHOES!!!" or "CELINE RETURNS!!!"

Billy picked up the day's National Post. The front page headline read, in 40-point type, "POTENTIAL TERROR ATTACK! UNIDENTIFIED LARGE BLOB OF FATTY SUBSTANCE WASHES ASHORE!"

Billy scratched his head. Had no one thought of the possibility that Celine Dion's husband may have been out yachting?

by maks October 13, 2004