10 definitions by joedaprogramma

'Shit-Cargo' is an insulting name for the City of Chicago given by Minnesotans to that sweaty load of feces in Illinois that calls itself 'great' every chance it gets. (The full formal insult usage is 'Shitty of Shit-Cargo'.)

Minnesotans are particularly fond of referring to the murderous load this way when forced to travel there on business or for a funeral. From the snot-nosed North Shore to the goddamned ghetto South Side, Shit-Cargo is a : stinky, bullet-ridden, corrupt & rotten pile of shit.
Chris : Big plans for the weekend ?

Terry: Going to Shit-Cargo for a Twins away game.

Chris : ...So sorry ...
by joedaprogramma April 26, 2014
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To lose ones temper in a surprising and entertaining way, exhibiting courage and testiness that clearly proves one's status as a non-pussy.
Mike: I bust loose on Cheyenne yesterday about her drinking.

Todd: Good you. Do that one a favor. Sheesh. Drive her to the meeting.

Mike: She can drive her own ass to the meeting.
by joedaprogramma December 28, 2013
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The phrase uttered by a seriously constipated person as a good-luck expression just before trying a waxy suppository for the very first time (typically one you steal from your grandma's medicine cabinet).

20 minutes later, you find out how fuckin' wise grandma actually is.
Molly: (whispering) ....Fire in the hole ....

(20 minutes later, after Molly shits her colon inside-out and rinses it in the sink)

Grandma: (Knock-knock) ....Oh, honey, run the fan and light a match.
by joedaprogramma January 9, 2013
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A Jersey Louie is a right-hand turn followed by an immediate U-turn near the same intersection, in simulation of the compulsory jug-handle left turns common in the State of New Jersey. They intentionally effectuate a very safe left turn over the intersection , and are similar in shape to a jug-handle turn (without actually being one). A Jersey Louie is a ideal for when an accident or other fuck-up is clogging your egress leftward. Legend has it that Jersey Louies are the informal antecedent of formal jug-handle intersections.
Hotchkiss: I need to turn Eastbound but that ice cream truck is busted down in the left turn lane.

Michaela: Do a Jersey Louie.

Hotchkiss: Good thinking! A Thousand Blessings ! We slipped past that cluster-fuck at the light !
by joedaprogramma July 28, 2016
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The Breakfast of fuck-ups : not for everyone every day but certainly everyone at least once. A breakfast of bad ideas one eats early in the morning then shits throughout the day in a series of missteps and failures like : flat tires, lost car keys, broken friendships, tax audits and fist fights over low-priced household goods or parking spaces. Always to be avoided.
Evan: That's a girl's jacket.

Tucker: Huh ?

Evan: The zipper and buttons. They're on the wrong side. It's a woman's jacket. You're wearing a woman's jacket.

Tucker: ....I got it at a consignment store; I honestly did not know. Will you run me down with your car, please ?

Evan: After I send this picture around I will. You ate a Big Bowl of Mistake-i-oes for Breakfast !
Tucker: Make it look like an accident.
by joedaprogramma November 22, 2020
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A hairpothesis is an enthusiastic idea one gets about one's hairstyle that is promptly implemented often without good result.
What's the hairpothesis with that danceline ? They look like sea otters !! When they slap the floor and hoot like that it makes me think they're trying to get us to ignore their uniform new hairstyle !! Are they trying to look like that Robert Palmer video from the 80s ?? Tough look to get away with...
by joedaprogramma June 8, 2023
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The memorable and gross experience of getting a really bad handshake from a limp-wristed person. The handshake feels like trying to grip the head of a dead fish and reflects someone who was never taught to shake hands properly.

The feeling of revulsion : typically persists for at least 30 seconds, recurs every time it is thought about AND especially when one sees "the limpy" again. Its recurring nature casts "the limpy" in a perpetually bad light. The sufferer of the experience sometimes foolishly tries to correct it by retrying the handshake only to get slipped the fish again, making the memory & suffering even worse.
Tyrell: Malik from Accounting just DOES NOT have a firm handshake...

Sally: Yeah I got slipped the fish by that one the first time I met him. Now when I see him I shiver. Yuck. He's a wiener leaner too...

Tyrell: Is he ill ?? or what ?
by joedaprogramma March 2, 2014
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