goose_on_a_roof's definitions

bouncing betties

a large set of women’s breasts that perform a lively mating dance with the eyes of every man whos body is coursing with testosterone (A man need not be in eye-shot of such a spectacle to be effected as his...ur, umm…”divining rod” points the way like a compass to magnetic north.)

Dude: Scope those curvacious maidens. I’ll pounce the coal top with the bouncing betties. What’s your ruling on the blonde?
Wingman: The dewclaws are up.

by goose_on_a_roof October 16, 2020

the beans are talkin’

an admittance of flatulence

Husband: Did you…? Oh my gosh!
Wife: (embarrassed) Yeah, the beans are talkin’.
Husband: Well, you could have...
Wife: (indignant) I DID, but YOU just had to have curry. Actions have consequences.

by goose_on_a_roof October 18, 2020

Perfect Girl

A perfect girl is the same as a regular girl but with equal parts sweet and dry vermouth (a martini typically uses dry vermouth and a Manhattan typically uses the sweet but the perfect Manhattan or perfect martini uses both).

Girl: I’m here. I got the vermouth but I didn’t know if you were making martinis or Manhattans so I picked up a bottle of each.
Boyfriend: Well aren’t you the perfect girl.

by goose_on_a_roof October 11, 2020

jobby-joo

an item in which the name or function is unbeknownst to (or has been forgotten by) the person uttering the term

“I twisted the dilly-doo until the thingy lined up with the whosie-whatsit and wouldn’t ya know it. The dingus got all gashnitzed and gashnizzled and the jobby-joo went wizz-bang out the back. Please forgive me if I’m getting too technical for you. It’s just that I’ve been workin’ in the doojigger biz since I was knee-high to a whatchamacallit and I rarely interact with you civilians.”

by goose_on_a_roof October 15, 2020

Going Paducah

dying, when someone or something is on it’s last legs, last gasp or exhibiting a death rattle (The word “Paducah” is derived from the sound made when a severed head is drop-kicked into an empty dumpster. pah-DOO-kah)

“C’mon stop smackin’ that old TV. You’re not helping any. It’s going Paducah and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

by goose_on_a_roof October 17, 2020

Squeeze Burger

An adorably cute dog (cat, person, etc.) that you have an irresistible urge to snuggle.

"Come here girl! Come on! That's it! Who's a good doggie? You are. Oh yes you are. You are so cute, you little squeeze burger."

by goose_on_a_roof October 28, 2020

gashnitzed and gashnizzled

when something is all fouled up or has gone completely awry

“I twisted the dilly-doo until the thingy lined up with the whosie-whatsit and wouldn’t ya know it. The dingus got all gashnitzed and gashnizzled and the jobby-joo went wizz-bang out the back. Please forgive me if I’m getting too technical for you. It’s just that I’ve been workin’ in the doojigger biz since I was knee-high to a whatchamacallit and I rarely interact with you civilians.”

by goose_on_a_roof October 15, 2020