fearman's definitions

John Fitzgerald Kennedy

President of the United States from 1961 to 1963, 35th to take the job. Started the GI ball rolling in Vietnam. Seen as a plaster saint by the left wing just the same, partly because he avoided actually terminating the biosphere over the Cuban Missile Crisis and partly because he had the good sense to get himself shot dead while in office. Shot by Lee Harvey Oswald, a gibbous fanatic on his way to an eldritch rendezvous.

John Fitzgerald Kennedy. Kennedy of Camelot. Loved Marylin. What more can I say?

by Fearman September 3, 2007

Abroccolipse

And then the Lamb opened the Seventh Seal: and yeay, I saw upon a white horse all the little children who wouldn't eat their greens, and all the chunky little greens that they had ever refused to eat fell from the firmament upon the earth in a great cascade of green, and the children descended from the back of the great white horse, and there was weeping and gnashing of teeth and quite a bit of chewing until the sounding of the final trumpets.

The above is from the Abroccolipse of St. Elmo the Vegetarian.

by Fearman February 23, 2008

family rod hypothesis

The belief that children who are abused (emotionally, physically or sexually) inevitably go on to abuse any children they have themselves. Thought up by an abusive and deeply narcissistic parent who wanted to dismiss any misgivings on their own or their offspring's part as the idealism of green and inexperienced minds, and who held to the belief that if everyone does something it must be OK. Truly adult minds are not impressed by such phony reasoning. If the family rod hypothesis were true, the human race would rapidly be descending into violent dysfunction, with new traditions of bully-boys being established as the old ones persisted. A rather dangerous idea in the age of the multi-megatonne thermonuclear warhead, don't you think?

Like all redneck bully-boy cowards, John taught his kids the family rod hypothesis.

by Fearman May 28, 2008

verb the whole object

A snowclone often used in New Age, pseudoscientific or borderline fields to cast a warm glow over the enterprise in question. Meant to imply, usually fallaciously, that the real scientists or professionals are missing out on something that their clients urgently need, or at least want very very badly but for some arcane reason are unable or afraid to articulate.

Examples of phrases using the "verb the whole object" construction would be:

"Alternative" practitioners treat the whole patient. (Unlike those bloody doctors, of course.)

Home birth widwifes read the whole woman.

Organic caterers use the whole plant. (I wonder if they make rhubarb crumble).

by Fearman February 23, 2008

Vegan

1. Incisor-bearing organism in reeeeally serious denial. Won't even eat eggs or dairy produce because of the necessary infringement on the hard-won human rights of hens and cattle.

2. Someone who has just come 160,000,000,000,000 miles and is kinda hungry ... so watch out.

Here come the Vegans with their laser blasters and photon torpedoes.

by Fearman August 4, 2007

Ron Jeremy

Star who looks like Danny de Vito but has a much more active professional sex life.

Ron Jeremy. Megadong. Megabrains. Megabusiness. What else is there to say?

by Fearman December 28, 2007

long dark teatime of the soul

Spiritual and physical void found at the centre of the Sunday Weekly Galaxy in "So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish" by Douglas Adams. Used as the title of Adams's second Dirk Gently novel. At its worst in boarding school. Trust me.

Sorry, but between that crappy lunch and the next crappy dinner, I'm currently experiencing a long dark teatime of the soul.

by Fearman October 30, 2007