fearman's definitions

sizzler

A Big Lie. A real whopper. Something of real audacity, deep hypocrisy or serious ambition. It sizzles and it's hot, like a giant sausage spitting fat at a barbecue.

Bush's claim that Saddam Hussein was good buddies with Osama Bin Laden has to be one of the big sizzlers of the twenty-first century.

Another sizzler might have been, "This is my last territorial demand in Europe".

After twenty years of filling his skull with paranoid bullshit, Jimmy's mother's claim that the poor boy was autistic was a real sizzler.

by Fearman February 22, 2008

scientology

Dangerous cult founded by Lafayette Ronald Hubbard when his shite attempts at science fiction epics failed to make him a zillionaire. Ropes people in by pretending to be a counselling service. Consists of an underclass of ordinary mortals who are charged through the soles of their boots for the chance to grab a hold of cheap electrical gizmos and read still cheaper sci-fi masquerading as a cross between psychiatry and cosmology, and an upper crust of celebrities like Tom Cruise and John Travolta who are treated with kid gloves for their PR value. Among its out groups are psychiatrists and doctors ... well, ya gadda keep the more honest competition away. Avoid if you wish to stay solvent, if you wish to stay sane, if you fancy enjoying some good old-fashioned noisy childbirth ... or if you fancy eating clams.

Scientology. Pulp science fiction's answer to the Mormon Church.

by Fearman November 25, 2007

Vegan

1. Incisor-bearing organism in reeeeally serious denial. Won't even eat eggs or dairy produce because of the necessary infringement on the hard-won human rights of hens and cattle.

2. Someone who has just come 160,000,000,000,000 miles and is kinda hungry ... so watch out.

Here come the Vegans with their laser blasters and photon torpedoes.

by Fearman August 4, 2007

Ron Jeremy

Star who looks like Danny de Vito but has a much more active professional sex life.

Ron Jeremy. Megadong. Megabrains. Megabusiness. What else is there to say?

by Fearman December 28, 2007

verb the whole object

A snowclone often used in New Age, pseudoscientific or borderline fields to cast a warm glow over the enterprise in question. Meant to imply, usually fallaciously, that the real scientists or professionals are missing out on something that their clients urgently need, or at least want very very badly but for some arcane reason are unable or afraid to articulate.

Examples of phrases using the "verb the whole object" construction would be:

"Alternative" practitioners treat the whole patient. (Unlike those bloody doctors, of course.)

Home birth widwifes read the whole woman.

Organic caterers use the whole plant. (I wonder if they make rhubarb crumble).

by Fearman February 23, 2008

family rod hypothesis

The belief that children who are abused (emotionally, physically or sexually) inevitably go on to abuse any children they have themselves. Thought up by an abusive and deeply narcissistic parent who wanted to dismiss any misgivings on their own or their offspring's part as the idealism of green and inexperienced minds, and who held to the belief that if everyone does something it must be OK. Truly adult minds are not impressed by such phony reasoning. If the family rod hypothesis were true, the human race would rapidly be descending into violent dysfunction, with new traditions of bully-boys being established as the old ones persisted. A rather dangerous idea in the age of the multi-megatonne thermonuclear warhead, don't you think?

Like all redneck bully-boy cowards, John taught his kids the family rod hypothesis.

by Fearman May 28, 2008

long dark teatime of the soul

Spiritual and physical void found at the centre of the Sunday Weekly Galaxy in "So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish" by Douglas Adams. Used as the title of Adams's second Dirk Gently novel. At its worst in boarding school. Trust me.

Sorry, but between that crappy lunch and the next crappy dinner, I'm currently experiencing a long dark teatime of the soul.

by Fearman October 30, 2007