fearman's definitions

Abroccolipse

And then the Lamb opened the Seventh Seal: and yeay, I saw upon a white horse all the little children who wouldn't eat their greens, and all the chunky little greens that they had ever refused to eat fell from the firmament upon the earth in a great cascade of green, and the children descended from the back of the great white horse, and there was weeping and gnashing of teeth and quite a bit of chewing until the sounding of the final trumpets.

The above is from the Abroccolipse of St. Elmo the Vegetarian.

by Fearman February 23, 2008

boarding school

Same essential mistake, only taking up four times as much of the day. Also a place that tries four times as hard to take the credit when a former student takes over his daddy's job.

He used to attend a day school, but that wasn't disastrous enough so he went to boarding school instead.

by Fearman May 28, 2008

Vegan

1. Incisor-bearing organism in reeeeally serious denial. Won't even eat eggs or dairy produce because of the necessary infringement on the hard-won human rights of hens and cattle.

2. Someone who has just come 160,000,000,000,000 miles and is kinda hungry ... so watch out.

Here come the Vegans with their laser blasters and photon torpedoes.

by Fearman August 4, 2007

Ron Jeremy

Star who looks like Danny de Vito but has a much more active professional sex life.

Ron Jeremy. Megadong. Megabrains. Megabusiness. What else is there to say?

by Fearman December 28, 2007

Smurfspeak

Intellectually lazy speech in which a single all-purpose noun or verb is frequently substituted for something more specific, the term for which the speaker can't be bothered to remember. From the dialogue between the title characters in the cartoon series "The Smurfs", in which the word "smurf" is frequently substituted for other words; the word substituted does not necessarily have to be "smurf".

Examples of Smurfspeak:

And then, Papa Smurf, I took her smurfy smurf by the smurf and smurfed her up the smurf.

The thing is in the other thing over by the thing, you know the thing I mean?

by Fearman April 18, 2008

long dark teatime of the soul

Spiritual and physical void found at the centre of the Sunday Weekly Galaxy in "So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish" by Douglas Adams. Used as the title of Adams's second Dirk Gently novel. At its worst in boarding school. Trust me.

Sorry, but between that crappy lunch and the next crappy dinner, I'm currently experiencing a long dark teatime of the soul.

by Fearman October 30, 2007

family rod hypothesis

The belief that children who are abused (emotionally, physically or sexually) inevitably go on to abuse any children they have themselves. Thought up by an abusive and deeply narcissistic parent who wanted to dismiss any misgivings on their own or their offspring's part as the idealism of green and inexperienced minds, and who held to the belief that if everyone does something it must be OK. Truly adult minds are not impressed by such phony reasoning. If the family rod hypothesis were true, the human race would rapidly be descending into violent dysfunction, with new traditions of bully-boys being established as the old ones persisted. A rather dangerous idea in the age of the multi-megatonne thermonuclear warhead, don't you think?

Like all redneck bully-boy cowards, John taught his kids the family rod hypothesis.

by Fearman May 28, 2008