fearman's definitions

Ireland

Twentieth largest island on the planet. West of Great Britain. Home to Brendan Behan, U2 and the original Guinness brewery. Used to get most of the rain in Europe, now thankfully changing due to global warming, proving that it is an ill wind and all that. Exports include the above rock group, an above average slice (for the island's population) of the world's greatest writers, the above dark beverage with a creamy head on, oodles of women with unwanted pregnancies, a few deliveries of Semtex, milk, beef, and formerly, streams of missionaries. Currently is the grip of a "tiger economy" which doesn't seem so feline if you leave out the wobbly property market. Wouldn't be such a bad place if it wasn't for Limerick and a couple of places in the Six Counties.

Ireland. Last chance to make a will before the Atlantic.

by Fearman December 26, 2007

West Brit

Derogatory term used in Ireland to describe anyone who believes British (i.e. English) culture, goods or whatever to be invariably superior to their Irish counterparts. Not necessarily living in Dublin, although the capital boasts at least its fair share of them.

Nicola is a right West Brit. She has been living in County Cork for the last nine years and she still gets her milk and bread direct from Surrey.

by Fearman October 31, 2007

might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb

Expression used in resentment as a reason for doing something deemed unethical when one knows one is going to be accused of doing that thing anyway, particularly when there is much to be gained by doing it.

They are going to accuse me of doing nothing and/or of working and drawing the dole at the same time, so I might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb.

by Fearman December 28, 2007

scientology

Dangerous cult founded by Lafayette Ronald Hubbard when his shite attempts at science fiction epics failed to make him a zillionaire. Ropes people in by pretending to be a counselling service. Consists of an underclass of ordinary mortals who are charged through the soles of their boots for the chance to grab a hold of cheap electrical gizmos and read still cheaper sci-fi masquerading as a cross between psychiatry and cosmology, and an upper crust of celebrities like Tom Cruise and John Travolta who are treated with kid gloves for their PR value. Among its out groups are psychiatrists and doctors ... well, ya gadda keep the more honest competition away. Avoid if you wish to stay solvent, if you wish to stay sane, if you fancy enjoying some good old-fashioned noisy childbirth ... or if you fancy eating clams.

Scientology. Pulp science fiction's answer to the Mormon Church.

by Fearman November 25, 2007

sizzler

A Big Lie. A real whopper. Something of real audacity, deep hypocrisy or serious ambition. It sizzles and it's hot, like a giant sausage spitting fat at a barbecue.

Bush's claim that Saddam Hussein was good buddies with Osama Bin Laden has to be one of the big sizzlers of the twenty-first century.

Another sizzler might have been, "This is my last territorial demand in Europe".

After twenty years of filling his skull with paranoid bullshit, Jimmy's mother's claim that the poor boy was autistic was a real sizzler.

by Fearman February 22, 2008

Modern Art

Someone bought more burgers and fries than they could eat at a drive-thru McDonald's in the boondocks. Thirty miles down the road they tossed the leftovers out the window. The leftovers fermented in the sun and five days later a great big dog wandered by, thought the mess smelled appetising and ate it. The meal played havoc with the dog's nervous system and it went quite wild. The next time a car came by the dog took a flying leap through the windscreen at a relative speed of almost a hundred miles an hour, killing itself and likely the driver and sending the car out of control. The car flipped over four times and lay on the road, subsequently catching fire and burning out. A milk lorry came over the top of the hill and crashed into the mess, and was followed by five or six more vehicles before the authorities got the faintest notion what was going on and partitioned the area off. Shortly afterwards a Boeing 747 carrying, among other things, a few large containers of yellow paint suffered a blowout and had to descend. The paint squirted out of the plane and splashed down on top of the pile-up. A hitch-hiker came by with a camera and thought the whole thing looked intriguing. He took some pictures and downloaded them onto his computer later on. The pictures were Photoshopped to look a little spooky and later printed in this new form on T-shirts. The photographer's girlfriend wore one of these to an art gallery and he photographed her pulling faces and balling her fists while wearing the T-shirt. Later on, these photographs were projected onto a screen in a display room in another gallery and a painter executed a painting of people in the room watching the slide show. Shortly afterwards everyone involved in the production of all this art - the hitchhiker photographer, the girlfriend, the painter, and all - had the good sense to overdose on cocaine at a party and die shortly thereafter, thereby sensibly removing themselves from the means of production and terminating their financial interest in the process. The painting was sold for £300,000 at Sotheby's and artie journalists claimed it was emblematic of the ultimately existentiallistically meaningless search for meaning within the postmodernist aesthetic.

And that more or less is a typical story of Modern Art.

by Fearman March 5, 2008

necro-reiteration

Mental experience in which you come to believe on numerous occasions that someone must have died a while back, often persisting for many years until you hear for certain in the media that they have just actually died.

I had necro-reiteration about Joan Miro and Evel Knievel for at least a decade before they popped their clogs.

by Fearman January 6, 2008