fearman's definitions

necro-reiteration

Mental experience in which you come to believe on numerous occasions that someone must have died a while back, often persisting for many years until you hear for certain in the media that they have just actually died.

I had necro-reiteration about Joan Miro and Evel Knievel for at least a decade before they popped their clogs.

by Fearman January 6, 2008

cable hair

One of those hairs often found growing in facial hair that seem to consist of at least ten normal hairs welded together and that you simply can't resist the urge to pull out; fortunately, frequently an easy operation.

Oh, look. Cable hair. (Pinches and pulls.) Oooohh ahhh, that's lovely.

by Fearman August 30, 2007

Smurfspeak

Intellectually lazy speech in which a single all-purpose noun or verb is frequently substituted for something more specific, the term for which the speaker can't be bothered to remember. From the dialogue between the title characters in the cartoon series "The Smurfs", in which the word "smurf" is frequently substituted for other words; the word substituted does not necessarily have to be "smurf".

Examples of Smurfspeak:

And then, Papa Smurf, I took her smurfy smurf by the smurf and smurfed her up the smurf.

The thing is in the other thing over by the thing, you know the thing I mean?

by Fearman April 18, 2008

long dark teatime of the soul

Spiritual and physical void found at the centre of the Sunday Weekly Galaxy in "So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish" by Douglas Adams. Used as the title of Adams's second Dirk Gently novel. At its worst in boarding school. Trust me.

Sorry, but between that crappy lunch and the next crappy dinner, I'm currently experiencing a long dark teatime of the soul.

by Fearman October 30, 2007

family rod hypothesis

The belief that children who are abused (emotionally, physically or sexually) inevitably go on to abuse any children they have themselves. Thought up by an abusive and deeply narcissistic parent who wanted to dismiss any misgivings on their own or their offspring's part as the idealism of green and inexperienced minds, and who held to the belief that if everyone does something it must be OK. Truly adult minds are not impressed by such phony reasoning. If the family rod hypothesis were true, the human race would rapidly be descending into violent dysfunction, with new traditions of bully-boys being established as the old ones persisted. A rather dangerous idea in the age of the multi-megatonne thermonuclear warhead, don't you think?

Like all redneck bully-boy cowards, John taught his kids the family rod hypothesis.

by Fearman May 28, 2008

verb the whole object

A snowclone often used in New Age, pseudoscientific or borderline fields to cast a warm glow over the enterprise in question. Meant to imply, usually fallaciously, that the real scientists or professionals are missing out on something that their clients urgently need, or at least want very very badly but for some arcane reason are unable or afraid to articulate.

Examples of phrases using the "verb the whole object" construction would be:

"Alternative" practitioners treat the whole patient. (Unlike those bloody doctors, of course.)

Home birth widwifes read the whole woman.

Organic caterers use the whole plant. (I wonder if they make rhubarb crumble).

by Fearman February 23, 2008

Ron Jeremy

Star who looks like Danny de Vito but has a much more active professional sex life.

Ron Jeremy. Megadong. Megabrains. Megabusiness. What else is there to say?

by Fearman December 28, 2007