Someone bought more burgers and fries than they could eat at a drive-thru McDonald's in the boondocks. Thirty miles down the road they tossed the leftovers out the window. The leftovers fermented in the sun and five days later a great big dog wandered by, thought the mess smelled appetising and ate it. The meal played havoc with the dog's nervous system and it went quite wild. The next time a car came by the dog took a flying leap through the windscreen at a relative speed of almost a hundred miles an hour, killing itself and likely the driver and sending the car out of control. The car flipped over four times and lay on the road, subsequently catching fire and burning out. A milk lorry came over the top of the hill and crashed into the mess, and was followed by five or six more vehicles before the authorities got the faintest notion what was going on and partitioned the area off. Shortly afterwards a Boeing 747 carrying, among other things, a few large containers of yellow paint suffered a blowout and had to descend. The paint squirted out of the plane and splashed down on top of the pile-up. A hitch-hiker came by with a camera and thought the whole thing looked intriguing. He took some pictures and downloaded them onto his computer later on. The pictures were Photoshopped to look a little spooky and later printed in this new form on T-shirts. The photographer's girlfriend wore one of these to an art gallery and he photographed her pulling faces and balling her fists while wearing the T-shirt. Later on, these photographs were projected onto a screen in a display room in another gallery and a painter executed a painting of people in the room watching the slide show. Shortly afterwards everyone involved in the production of all this art - the hitchhiker photographer, the girlfriend, the painter, and all - had the good sense to overdose on cocaine at a party and die shortly thereafter, thereby sensibly removing themselves from the means of production and terminating their financial interest in the process. The painting was sold for £300,000 at Sotheby's and artie journalists claimed it was emblematic of the ultimately existentiallistically meaningless search for meaning within the postmodernist aesthetic.
by Fearman March 05, 2008
Get the Modern Artmug. Same essential mistake, only taking up four times as much of the day. Also a place that tries four times as hard to take the credit when a former student takes over his daddy's job.
He used to attend a day school, but that wasn't disastrous enough so he went to boarding school instead.
by Fearman May 28, 2008
Get the boarding schoolmug. And then the Lamb opened the Seventh Seal: and yeay, I saw upon a white horse all the little children who wouldn't eat their greens, and all the chunky little greens that they had ever refused to eat fell from the firmament upon the earth in a great cascade of green, and the children descended from the back of the great white horse, and there was weeping and gnashing of teeth and quite a bit of chewing until the sounding of the final trumpets.
The above is from the Abroccolipse of St. Elmo the Vegetarian.
by Fearman February 23, 2008
Get the Abroccolipsemug. Expression used of someone detested and now safely dead, to damn them with faint praise. From the 1989 movie version of Batman, directed by Tim Burton.
Joker (Jack Nicholson) on TV address:
Joker here. Now you fellas have said some pretty mean things. Some of which were true, under that fiend Boss Grissom. He was a thief, and a terrorist. On the other hand he had a tremendous singing voice. He's dead now, and he's left me in charge.
Joker here. Now you fellas have said some pretty mean things. Some of which were true, under that fiend Boss Grissom. He was a thief, and a terrorist. On the other hand he had a tremendous singing voice. He's dead now, and he's left me in charge.
by Fearman March 04, 2008
Get the he had a tremendous singing voicemug. An intriguing marriage of technology and religion imagined in 1972 by prog rock outfit Genesis, In "Supper's Ready" from the album Foxtrot.
by Fearman November 26, 2007
Get the prayer capsulemug. Dangerous cult founded by Lafayette Ronald Hubbard when his shite attempts at science fiction epics failed to make him a zillionaire. Ropes people in by pretending to be a counselling service. Consists of an underclass of ordinary mortals who are charged through the soles of their boots for the chance to grab a hold of cheap electrical gizmos and read still cheaper sci-fi masquerading as a cross between psychiatry and cosmology, and an upper crust of celebrities like Tom Cruise and John Travolta who are treated with kid gloves for their PR value. Among its out groups are psychiatrists and doctors ... well, ya gadda keep the more honest competition away. Avoid if you wish to stay solvent, if you wish to stay sane, if you fancy enjoying some good old-fashioned noisy childbirth ... or if you fancy eating clams.
by Fearman November 25, 2007
Get the scientologymug. A Big Lie. A real whopper. Something of real audacity, deep hypocrisy or serious ambition. It sizzles and it's hot, like a giant sausage spitting fat at a barbecue.
Bush's claim that Saddam Hussein was good buddies with Osama Bin Laden has to be one of the big sizzlers of the twenty-first century.
Another sizzler might have been, "This is my last territorial demand in Europe".
After twenty years of filling his skull with paranoid bullshit, Jimmy's mother's claim that the poor boy was autistic was a real sizzler.
Another sizzler might have been, "This is my last territorial demand in Europe".
After twenty years of filling his skull with paranoid bullshit, Jimmy's mother's claim that the poor boy was autistic was a real sizzler.
by Fearman February 22, 2008
Get the sizzlermug.