fearman's definitions

Mr. Natural

Long-bearded earthy worldly wise simple genius invented by cartoonist R. Crumb. The only man in history (according to one cartoon) to get a new lease on life when, once he had died, God asked him what he thought of Paradise and his scrupulously honest aesthetic appraisal of the whole place pissed off the Big Man big time. Best known for such catch phrases as "Keep Truckin'".

Mr. Natural, the coolest beardy dude in history, even makes sandals look good.

by Fearman April 11, 2008

St. James of LA

James Douglas Morrison (1943-71), poet, shaman, lead singer for dark psychedelic and blues group The Doors, and someone who really knew what material to use for trousers. Had talent and a half. Knew the writings of Huxley, Nietzsche, Artaud and William Blake. Had a rocking good life. If he hadn't swallowed so much of his own bullshit, not to mention such vast quantities of alcohol and at least one particular dose of opiate, he might have had a lot more of it. Buried at a modest site in Pere Lachaise, Paris. Since then his grave has become a Mecca for saprophytic potheads who have spread graffiti far and wide, desecrated his memory and pissed off the surviving relatives of those buried round about.

Terry went on a trip to Paris last year to check out the burial site of St. James of LA.

by Fearman April 13, 2008

Heston over your firearms

To die. Derived from "hand over your firearms", and the quote from the late Charlton Heston, "you can have my gun when you prise it from my cold dead hands".

First you marry, then you have 2.7 kids, then you eat quiche, then you Heston over your firearms.

Both my grandfathers had Hestoned over their firearms before I was born.

by Fearman April 13, 2008

acorn dance

A dance that symbolises an entire way of life that was supposedly very intense, meaningful and sensual, and intrinsic to the human and natural worlds, but that was in fact never lived. The literal dance itself never existed, and those who pretend to knowledge of it cannot agree on what the moves were. More generally, a myth in the most amorphous state possible.

Jane spent her college years trying to find references to the acorn dance.

Everything is an acorn dance and nothing is.

Someone wrote a thesis on Renaissance painting and the acorn dance. It was rather sensual stuff and I still couldn't make head nor tail of it.

by Fearman April 13, 2008

you can't handle the truth

Expression first popularised by Jack Nicholson in the character of Col. Nathan R. Jessep in A Few Good Men (1992, dir. Rob Reiner), when he blows up in court in Tom Cruise's face. Handy exclamation to direct at the computer screen when somebody votes down an eminently rational definition on urbandictionary. Parodied by Sideshow Bob in an episode of The Simpsons ("Pish! I deride your truth-handling abilities!").

Kaffee: I want the truth!
Jessep (yells): You can't handle the truth!

by Fearman April 15, 2008

Tom Cruise

I'm in love (yippee!!!) and I hate psychiatrists (fucking nut jobs, all of them, ALL OF THEM), who are out to control the world (trembles for a few moments) and drop hydrogen bombs on everybody (BIG ones, yeahhh). Hey, have you seen my girlfriend? (BOINNNGGG!!) I'm wild! You're cool, too! (Pulls hair out, laughs.) No, seriously? Oh. (Grows sullen.) Oh. (Grows REALLY sullen.) Oh. Why would you want to do that to me? No, seriously, why would you want to do that to me? Why? Why? Why would you want to do that to me? (Jumps up on couch, pulls dramatic stance, couch falls backward, he crawls up to kneel on the front of the seat.) They've hated me ever since I played a veteran of the Great Galactic War between the Thetans and the Engrammatised Ones. (Goes boggle-eyed, cackles, shrieks ...,) We're all going to be bigger than Oprah! (YAY!) And it makes me sick, you know that? Why isn't everyone looking at me RIGHT NOW? And you know what? I'm NOT GAY!!! Mimi! Ha! Nicole! Ha! Penelope! Ha! Katie, aww, KATIIEEE!!! Ha-haaaaaaaaaaaa! Here, I can lick my own balls, seriously. Just watch me ... (Licks own balls, audience stampede out of the auditorium.)

The above was a party political broadcast on behalf of Tom Cruise.

by Fearman April 16, 2008

couldn't be rat-arsed

In other words, couldn't be bothered.

We tried to get him to send in the form on time, but he couldn't be rat-arsed.

by Fearman May 24, 2008