23 definition by eighthofseven

A carbon-based life form, masquerading as a dog, not yet satisfactorily proven to be of terrestrial origin.

They may be the product of genetic manipulation or some other advanced technology, as they certianly don't behave anything like real dogs; they are more like tiny furry humans. They don't talk, but that's probably only because they have such disdain for us. They may well be cats in dog suits, but no zipper has yet been located. They look like a cross bewteen an Ewok, a Mugwai and a Hobbit; they have large, round eyes with a gentle, loving expression, which conceals the vast, malign intellect within. They are clever, inquisitive, ingenious and capable of thoughtful malice and destruction. They can look and act VERY cute when they want to, and really know how to work a crowd. They may be related in some way to lephrechauns, as they seem to have a number of paranormal powers, including the ability always to be the wrong side of a closed door.

It is not disputed that for may years, Shih Tzu were the pampered pets of the Chinese Imperial family. As a result of this, Shih Tzu seem to have a racial memory of being carried round on silk cusions with golden tassels, and fed tiny morsels of tasty food by a small army of subservient flunkeys. Since this is what they are used to, this is what they expect. Any Shih Tzu inserted into a "normal" house consisting of adult and immature humans, other dogs, cats etc. will, despite their diminutive size, quickly become "boss" of the entire establishment; they have a Size Twelve personality squashed down into a Size Three body.

It is oftain said by those who do not understand them that Shih Tzu think they are human. This is not in fact correct; Shih Tzu know they are Shih Tzu, but importantly what they also know is that humans are just big pink monkeys placed on this planet to be at their beck and call every moment of the day and night, and to tend to their every whim immediately and without question. When one of their slaves fails to behave as expected, they generally adopt a puzzled, sorrowful look, as if pitying the lack of understanding.
If they do not get their own way immediately, the look of pity is replaced by what can only be described as a Special Paddington Hard Stare, swiftly followed by The End Of the World As You Know It as the docile little furball erupts into incandescent rage at your incompetence.

Depriving a Shih tzu of something it wants (Biscuits, your dinner, the middle of the double bed, the most comfy chair, a go at driving your car) can result in an orgy of destruction; expect linings pulled out of shoes, remote controls hidden under furniture, expensive audio cables chewed through, and puddles of urine on the bathroom floor as a carefully placed early morning trap for the unwary.

On the other hand, Shih Tzu often behave like living Teddy Bears, and enjoy being treated as such. They can be very affectionate and cuddly. Don't be fooled; this means that (a) they have done something bad, and are trying to build up 'credit', or more usually (b) they are planning something, and are lulling you into a false sense of security.

1. A combat situation in which an attacker, normally equipped with a superior weapons system, is presented with a large number of highly desireable, poorly defended and high-value targets all at once, such a situation might be an attack helecopter with night vision capability finding a complete enemy brigade or divisional HQ convoy stalled at night on a narrow road with no place to go and no air defence.

2. A workplace, bar, party or other place of entertainment where a new arrival finds a large number of attractive, unattached members of the opposite sex, and is spoilt for choice.

The Army only teaches you two things: "If in doubt, put down smoke and go left", and "Never volunteer for anything".

The Navy only teaches you two things: "Don't throw the slops out to windward", and "Never volunteer for anything".

The Air Force only teaches you two things: "Cheese tastes pretty much the same coming up as going down, so it's OK to eat before a bumpy flight", and "Never volunteer for anything".

The Marines only teach you one thing: "Never volunteer for anything".

A firearm designed to be carried and operated in one hand, usually the right. Some are ambidextrous, i.e. the P-38.

The "jesus bolts" are the small, high-tensile bolts that attach the rotor pitch control push rods to the swash plateon a helicopter.

If one of these bolts fails, then one of the 'copter's rotors will be decoupled from the cyclic/collective pitch control, which is generally thought of as a Bad Thing; they are so called because if you've led a good life, afther the failure Jesus is the next person you meet.

See also zero survivability incident

1. The special equipment unit in the James Bond novels and films by Ian Fleming. They provide all manner of outlandish gadgets, often of a bizarre and highly destructive nature.

The unit's head is known as "Q" and was portrayed in many of the films by actor Desmond Llewelyn (2nd film to the 19th).

2. By inference, a specialised higly technical department within a much larger organisation, often staffed by geeks whose work is little understood but none the less admired and respected by other employees.

Also known as "Q Section"

1. A fictional device from the film "This Island Earth" (1955, q.v.) which is an extremely powerful and flexible (if somewhat bulky)combined communications, computation and weapons system.

2. By derivation, any desireable new gadget with lots of cool features, for example a multifunction colour printer/scanner/copier, often the property of another, resulting in repeated violations of the Tenth Commandment ("thou shalt not covet ....").

3. Any piece of technical equipment beyond the understanding of Managers, e.g. pencil sharpener, doorknob, chair, cup.

4. The large-scale version of a "widget" or "thingie", which are usually quite small.