Definitions by captain poopypants

cooler 

a third party hired to "run the show". They have final say, and are basically hired as a consultant of such things as bar staff, security and bouncers, bar design, attitude, and alcohol. They have no affiliation with the club other than that they are there to striaghten up the mess. For a nice buick call....

To protect my investment I've hired the best damn cooler in the business.

cooler by captain poopypants November 29, 2004

eye candy 

a kick ass hair band featuring old, fat, balding men in their early 40's. They usually appear in ripped denim shorts, tank tops or belly shirts, and cowboy boots. Their vocals suck, but they look good. Formally in such bands as Silver Mullet and Piledriver. It is a supergroup that was formed when the high profile stars of Silver Mullet and Piledriver both broke up in the late 1990's. Featuring hit singles such as, Friends Forever, Don't Throw Stones, Gimme Back my mullets, Look at us we're eye candy, take a picture and stop staring, and there #1 single Mackin on girls down at Rizzo's saloon

I would do anything for two tickets to the Eye Candy concert, and I mean anything

eye candy by captain poopypants November 29, 2004

gentlemen.... 

a way to let everyone know that what comes next will make you shit your pants. It is an attention grabber, and it shows that the shit has just hit the fan.

who is that guy? Gentlemen, Wade garrett! Holy shit! Exactly right!

gentlemen.... by captain poopypants November 27, 2004

vodka rocks 

a slang term used to describe a smokin hot girl at a saloon or tavern.

Hey..Vodka Rocks, what'ya say you and me get nipple to nipple?

vodka rocks by captain poopypants November 19, 2004

opinions vary 

A saying used as a rebuttle for when someone voices their ideas about the type of individual you are, or the quality of your work.

I heard you had balls big enough to come in a dump truck, but ah, you don't look like much to me. Opinions vary.

opinions vary by captain poopypants November 19, 2004

I thought you'd be bigger 

a satement after you meet someone who was built up as a larger than life mythical figure, who really looks ordinary.

I thought you'd be bigger. Gee, I've never heard that one before

I thought you'd be bigger by captain poopypants November 19, 2004

there's always barber college 

a smart ass statement that lets the recipient know that you do not give a shit about their future. They do not have the right temperment for the trade, and you have made the decision to terminate them.

Morgan, you're out of here. What the fuck are you talkin about? You don't have the right temperment for the trade. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Theres always barber college.

there's always barber college by captain poopypants November 19, 2004