An imagined court which tries lawsuits against a specific word or phrase which is accused of being illogical, deceptive, fraudulent, or offensive to someone.
Word Court is currently trying the word HAMBURGER, LIPSTICK, BIRTH CONTROL, CRIMINAL JUSTICE, and others.
NARRATOR
Welcome to Word Court, where words go on trial.
SECRETARY
Today, we will hear oral arguments in case number 52-67-42, Consumers v Commercial Users of the word HAMBURGER.
JUDGE WORDY
Mr. Prosecuting Attorney, please state your case.
PROSECUTOR
Your honor and members of the jury. This class action lawsuit is against the individuals, businesses, and corporations which use the word HAMBURGER to get consumers to buy what they call hamburgers, but are really dead cow flesh sandwiches. They do so by indirectly saying that the dead animal flesh is a meat which is or contains HAM. That is a false statement. Ham is more expensive than beef because it is made from a cut of a dead pigs’s leg, processed, and preserved by adding salt and other spices. Ham is made around the world including regional specialties such as Westphalian ham, Spanish jamón, Italian Prosciutto, and Smithfield ham in the US. The curing process takes from 9–months to a year.
JUDGE
Thank you, Mr. Prosecutor. We will now hear the defense attorney.
DEFENSE ATTORNEY
Your honor and members of the jury, the facts you just stated make it clear that the word HAM does not belong in the word HAMBURGER. Hamburgers should be called beefburgers or meatburgers, not HAMBURGERS.
JUDGE
How do you clients plea?
My clients plea "nolo contendere",
and apologize to everyone for having used the word HAMBURGER.
NARRATOR
Welcome to Word Court, where words go on trial.
SECRETARY
Today, we will hear oral arguments in case number 52-67-42, Consumers v Commercial Users of the word HAMBURGER.
JUDGE WORDY
Mr. Prosecuting Attorney, please state your case.
PROSECUTOR
Your honor and members of the jury. This class action lawsuit is against the individuals, businesses, and corporations which use the word HAMBURGER to get consumers to buy what they call hamburgers, but are really dead cow flesh sandwiches. They do so by indirectly saying that the dead animal flesh is a meat which is or contains HAM. That is a false statement. Ham is more expensive than beef because it is made from a cut of a dead pigs’s leg, processed, and preserved by adding salt and other spices. Ham is made around the world including regional specialties such as Westphalian ham, Spanish jamón, Italian Prosciutto, and Smithfield ham in the US. The curing process takes from 9–months to a year.
JUDGE
Thank you, Mr. Prosecutor. We will now hear the defense attorney.
DEFENSE ATTORNEY
Your honor and members of the jury, the facts you just stated make it clear that the word HAM does not belong in the word HAMBURGER. Hamburgers should be called beefburgers or meatburgers, not HAMBURGERS.
JUDGE
How do you clients plea?
My clients plea "nolo contendere",
and apologize to everyone for having used the word HAMBURGER.
by but for April 20, 2019
Get the Word Court mug.A medical procedure which will—if and when it becomes reality—allow patients to modify and logically upgrade their genes to eliminate certain genetic problems, diseases, increase their intelligence, physical height; change the color of their hair, eyes, skin; increase or decrease the size of certain body part(s); and bring about other specific changes.
Marsha underwent a DNA upgrade, and in about 7-years, when her body has accepting her entire DNA upgrade she will be 5-inches taller. As of today she will be growing a tiny bit each day. It remains to be seen if all or only some children of DNA upgrade patients inherit their parent's upgraded DNA.
by but for June 07, 2018
Get the DNA upgrade mug.Rewording and/or not mentioning a word, a person's name, a situation or an event can control or revise reality or the past.
Rewording the phrase, "I want to fuck you" to "I want to make love to you" or "I want to engage in sexual intercourse with you" and expressing the rewritten one produces different expectations and ways of feeling, thinking, and acting.
by but for September 13, 2018
Get the rewording mug.Disrespectful, inconsiderate, and at times aggressive and ultimately hurtful marketing to help manufacturers and retailers take as much advantage of consumers as possible.
Decades ago every item sold in a store had a price tag, now the retailers don't waste energy, thus money, sticking a price tag on each item or at least displaying a sign that informs consumers the price. That is just one example of predatory marketing. My definition of 'predatory marketing' is different than a more common one which states that it is any activity instigated—usually, by the larger manufacturer—to tangibly harm or eliminate smaller competitiors.
by but for January 20, 2018
Get the predatory marketing mug.The process of making improvements in a place—such as a business or educational institution—to increase the likelihood of making as many things as possible predictable.
The new process or science of making as many things as possible more predictable is called Predictability Augmentation and promises to boost individual as well as group performance, safety, and even profits!
by but for October 21, 2017
Get the Predictability Augmentation mug.Not imprisoning slaves, but letting them live anywhere they choose, knowing that the need to feed themselves will force them to find a job, and that their need to find a better job will get them to attend school. Then hiring them, paying them a regular salary, giving them health insurance so they will not break down, and giving them 2-weeks vacation so they will rest and recuperate. Then have the TV ads convince them to buy a car to get to work, a house to live in, and other things to live better, to all along exploiting their labor as the masters did on the plantations. Disguised slavery is the spine of a system called 'human farming' and is sinonimous with 'salaried slavery.' Though some see it as unfair, it may be the only way for society to function and thrive.
Though in reality they are salaried slaves and victims of the 'human farming' system, convinced by the media and their friends—because they echo what the media tells them, my neighbors diligently drive to work and back home from Monday to Friday and rest on the weekend to prepare for another round of 9 to 5. Thought disguised slavery is an imperfect lifestyle because it's victims—or if you see their lifestyle in a positive light you may want to call them practitioners or participants instead—are not free to fully develop themselves because their time is taken producing goods or serving clients. As imperfect as the disguised slaver system may be, it appears to be the only way for society to operate and thrive.
by but for January 23, 2018
Get the disguised slavery mug.When an individual perceives a person, place, or thing, or him or herself in a way that is different than the way most other people perceive it.
When he got to his 60s, the many failures he suffered in his life distorted how he perceived his surroundings, individuals, and many other things. That is called perceptual distortion.
by but for May 09, 2018
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