bromp's definitions

kettling

is defined in Magna Farta as "the state of being in dire, immediate need of a shit. From the fact that a metal lid placed over one's clackervalve in such circumstances would rattle urgently, and possibly emit a high-pitched whistle to boot."

At the G20 summit, the newsreader said that the Police had been "kettling" which accurately reflects the agitated state of the officers in the protest, so I am not surprised they were clubbing people to death left right and centre.

by bromp July 24, 2009

Stealth bummer

A man who has successfully concealed his sexuality to take advantage of his heterosexual friends.

Bert - "The pub went queer under the new owner, our lawyer friend. No more real beer, no more blazing fire. Now it's strictly for "style conscious gentlemen" only.

Bill - "Yeah we're done for now - nowhere left to go in the village. Sad. And we thought Mike was one of us. He was just casing the joint. Look at it now - all mirrors and pictures of fucking male pop stars and stuff and shitty music."

Bert - "Makes you sick. Our last real watering hole taken out by a stealth bummer!"

by bromp December 18, 2007

Fartistic Licence

The art of creatively reshaping the true facts concerning a past release of Carbon Dibaxide

"Mr Darcy, I find it most difficult to credit your assertion that Miss bennet was responsible for the beefy eggo that cleared the dance floor not five minutes ago.. For one thin, the miasma concerned was distinctly reminiscent of the casserole I observed you yourself consuming last night, whereas I have it on good authority that Miss Bennet is a vegetarian. If that was Fartistic Licence, Darcy, then it was dashed bad form."

by bromp February 18, 2010

subsidiarity

Subsidiarity: the concession by which the sovereign parliaments of member-countries of the EU are required to pass into law those rules, regulations etc which have already been legislated in Brussels.

Eurocrat dictator in Brussels - " the EU imperialist project is in grave danger, Senor Barosso. The Irish might vote No to the Lisbon Treaty!"

Barosso - "Don't worry Pierre, I got da boys down da Vatican hittin''em up on prime time TV with a dose of good ol' fashioned subsidiarity til dey give us a Yes."

by bromp May 30, 2008

Tony Blair's Legacy

A monster smelly TURD blocking a Thunderbox which withstands any amount of flushing and prodding, yet refuses to leave the pan.

"I shouldn't use that one if I were you, Madam. Best wait until we've dealt with Tony Blair's Legacy first."

by bromp May 14, 2008

Top-decking

A house guest who defecates in one's host cistern, rather than, more conventionally, in the toilet, for comic effect.

Tony Blair and his wife Cherie were invited round by the Browns to congratulate Gordon on his appointment as Prime Minister. Cherie was furious because she never liked Gordon and wanted her Tony to stay on another 10 years. She said to herself : “I know, I'll fix 'em with a good smelly top-decking after the main course”.

by bromp May 15, 2008

mortar

To "sit on a mortar" is to suffer the consequences of a 'dirty bomb' detonation.

"Unfortunately Your Highness, my husband had some dodgy prawn chimichongas for lunch and has sat on a mortar, thus he will not be able to attend tea."

by bromp December 9, 2008