bromp's definitions

Bombay barometer

That miraculous sensor situated in the anal tract that enables the operator to determine whether the chamber is loaded with gas or solid matter, before risking a fart. The Bombay barometer may give faulty readings when, for example, swamped by large quantities of beer and curry, with disastrous results.

"Who dropped the dark blockbuster? Smells like someone's Bombay barometer failed!"

by bromp January 20, 2009

turdwayman

Slimey politicians of no substance or conviction who want to appeal to everyone left/right/centre/multi-culti. These set out their agenda as The Third Way, which means they want everyone of all poiltical shades to see them as their perfect leader, when in fact, like Tony Blair, they have nothing more to offer than their hunger for power. Bill Clinton was another but less obvious example of the followers of the Turd Way.

Steve "well what do think of this Barack Obama then?"

Tony "don't know, might be just be another turdwayman".

by bromp May 16, 2008

test match

an extremely long sit-down sojourn in the lavatory, which to the subject feels like it is taking five days to achieve any sort of conclusive result. So named due to the similarity to the cricket competitions: long, silent periods of intense concentration broken by occasional grunts, cracks and thuds, irregularly interspersed with splatters that sound not unlike bursts of applause.

Sally: “Fred, Jim disappeared after breakfast and it's already 11. We are supposed to be at the coast by 12!”

Jim: “We might not make it. He's in the lavatory and it sounds like he is in the middle of a test match.”

by bromp February 22, 2010

Top deck

v. to top deck: a house guest who defecates in one's host cistern, rather than, more conventionally, in the toilet, for comic effect.

Tony Blair and his wife Cherie were invited round by the Browns to congratulate Gordon on his appointment as Prime Minister. Cherie was furious because she never liked Gordon and wanted her Tony to stay on another 10 years. She said to herself : “I know, I'll fix 'em with a good smelly top deck after the main course”.

by bromp May 15, 2008

Fartistic Licence

The art of creatively reshaping the true facts concerning a past release of Carbon Dibaxide

"Mr Darcy, I find it most difficult to credit your assertion that Miss bennet was responsible for the beefy eggo that cleared the dance floor not five minutes ago.. For one thin, the miasma concerned was distinctly reminiscent of the casserole I observed you yourself consuming last night, whereas I have it on good authority that Miss Bennet is a vegetarian. If that was Fartistic Licence, Darcy, then it was dashed bad form."

by bromp February 18, 2010

Stealth bummer

A man who has successfully concealed his sexuality to take advantage of his heterosexual friends.

Bert - "The pub went queer under the new owner, our lawyer friend. No more real beer, no more blazing fire. Now it's strictly for "style conscious gentlemen" only.

Bill - "Yeah we're done for now - nowhere left to go in the village. Sad. And we thought Mike was one of us. He was just casing the joint. Look at it now - all mirrors and pictures of fucking male pop stars and stuff and shitty music."

Bert - "Makes you sick. Our last real watering hole taken out by a stealth bummer!"

by bromp December 18, 2007

stealth bummer

a homosexual male who disguises his sexulaity in order to get ahead

-"Look at our old mate behind the bar with his bumchum. This was a great pub, no look at it - cocktails, no real ale - and full of style-conscious genlemen with nice fingernails"

-"yeah, our old mate was always a stealth bummer. He'd come and join us with his frustrated wife and join us, but he was just casing the joint."

-"yeah, taken out by a stealth bummer!"

by bromp January 20, 2009