bromp's definitions

Pavlov's Log

Humph's and Magna Farta's def. is all very well, yet if I may venture to suggest another meaning: the term could equally well be used to define the onset of defecatory cramps caused by the aroma of ground coffee. Therefore:

" I am sorry, Your Honour, that the Defendant has not yet appeared. He is not however absent in Contempt of Court as I am able to instruct the Jury that Pavlov's Log is held and recongized here by the Court as Mitigating Circumstances. We can confirm that Starbuck's coffee house outside the Courthouse was indeed repsonsible for the onset of my client's bout of Pavlov's Log. He has been detained in the Couthouse restroom and will be appearing in due course."

by bromp May 10, 2008

Barnsley blow job

During sexual congress in the "missionary position", when the lady "drops a gut" with sufficient gusto to blast her suitor's balls up his arsehole.

Rebecca was always going to deliver a Barnsley blow job in revenge for the night when I used her new white designer dress to muffle a fart, after enjoying a one-on-one romp.
The fart was a controlled blockbuster, but the sad proof of the detonation was clear for all to see when the next morning she strode proudly out of my apartment onto the
street, where the neighbours had a good laugh at all the shit up the back of her dress.

by bromp May 10, 2008

Pavlov's Log

The Magna Farta defines Pavlov's Log as the "conditioned reflex action causing one's Bomb Bay to start opening upon seeing a Restroom. From the famous Russian psychologist Ernst Pavlov, who rang a bell every time his dog done a Shit."

" I am sorry, Your Honour, that the Defendant has not yet appeared. He is not however absent in Contempt of Court as I am able to instruct the Jury that Pavlov's Log is held and recongized by the Court as Mitigating Curcimstances. In mitigation, my client has just called me by cellphone from the Courtroom Shitehouse with the message: "I'd give it another 10 minutes if I were you".

by bromp April 10, 2008

Uri Geller Smeller

A Uri Geller Smeller is named after the man who claimed he could bend spoons and stop clocks just by looking at them, and is the result of a violent incident of "sitting on a mortar" after a bad curry, when the foul miasma emanates from the WC and works its way around the house bending spoons and stopping clocks as it goes.

Postman: "I shouldn't go to number 10 Downing Street with your warrant just yet without a gas mask, Officer. There's been an incident, a real Uri Geller Smeller."

by bromp March 19, 2008

uri geller smeller

A Uri Geller Smeller is named after the man who claimed he could bend spoons and stop clocks just by looking at them, and is the result of a violent incident of "sitting on a mortar" after a bad curry, when the foul miasma emanates from the WC and works its way around the house bending spoons and stopping clocks as it goes.

Postman: "I shouldn't go to number 10 Downing Street just yet without a gas mask, Officer. There's been a Uri Geller Smeller incident! Give it 20 minutes if I were you."

by bromp March 19, 2008

Stealth bummer

A man who has successfully concealed his sexuality to take advantage of his heterosexual friends.

Bert - "The pub went queer under the new owner, our lawyer friend. No more real beer, no more blazing fire. Now it's strictly for "style conscious gentlemen" only.

Bill - "Yeah we're done for now - nowhere left to go in the village. Sad. And we thought Mike was one of us. He was just casing the joint. Look at it now - all mirrors and pictures of fucking male pop stars and stuff and shitty music."

Bert - "Makes you sick. Our last real watering hole taken out by a stealth bummer!"

by bromp December 18, 2007