bachelor bob's definitions
malk
noun
Any milk alternative made from a non-dairy source (e.g. soy, rice, oats, spelt, bulgar, hemp, coconut, almond, cashew, hazelnut, macadamia, pistachio, sunflower, etc.). Since the National Milk Producers Federation is trying to convince the Food and Drug Administration to outlaw the labeling of any product as "milk" that does not come from a mammary gland, a new name is needed. And since humans should not be drinking liquid from any mammary gland other than a human's, "malk" is definitely the healthiest and least gross choice after a person is weaned.
noun
Any milk alternative made from a non-dairy source (e.g. soy, rice, oats, spelt, bulgar, hemp, coconut, almond, cashew, hazelnut, macadamia, pistachio, sunflower, etc.). Since the National Milk Producers Federation is trying to convince the Food and Drug Administration to outlaw the labeling of any product as "milk" that does not come from a mammary gland, a new name is needed. And since humans should not be drinking liquid from any mammary gland other than a human's, "malk" is definitely the healthiest and least gross choice after a person is weaned.
Mom: "Do you want whole or chocolate milk on your Frosted Flakes?"
Son: "Seriously?! Do I look like a calf or are you just trying to make me diabetic? I'll take hemp malk on my organic, non-GMO, fair trade muesli, thank you very much."
Son: "Seriously?! Do I look like a calf or are you just trying to make me diabetic? I'll take hemp malk on my organic, non-GMO, fair trade muesli, thank you very much."
by Bachelor boB January 3, 2017
Get the malkmug. A sexual partner used as exercise equipment, specifically for aerobic, standing, rear-entry penetration. To qualify, the penetrator must manipulate his partner's nipples.
co-worker: "Bob, you're looking fit."
Bob: "You bet! It's amazing what 10 minutes a day on my nipliptical does for the glutes."
Bob: "You bet! It's amazing what 10 minutes a day on my nipliptical does for the glutes."
by Bachelor boB May 19, 2007
Get the niplipticalmug. Like the notorious reality distortion field (RDF) of Steve Jobs, a Vagina Distortion Field (VDF) affects perception, which thereby alters behavior. When someone is affected by a woman's VDF, every aspect of her being seemingly improves in that person's view. A woman's VDF typically only influences those who have not yet had access to said vagina. Being warped by a VDF is different than being pussy whipped. With the latter, the whipped individual behaves abnormally to maintain access to the pussy, but perception of the vagina owner is not altered. The VDF often has the greatest affect on the owner of the vagina, making her vastly overestimate her worth, influence, and potential.
Spock: "Captain, you are once again risking the lives of the entire crew in the pursuit of some green slag."
Kirk: "Mr. Spock, your libido-less Vulcan logic fails to grasp the enormity of the daily Pon Farr that starship command subjects on a man."
Spock: "Mr. Sulu and Mr. Chekov, move the Enterprise as far as is necessary and raise whatever shield is needed to protect the captain's mind from the insidious Vagina Distortion Field that is destroying his judgement."
Kirk: "Spawwwwwwwwwk!!!"
<cue Kirk fight music>
Kirk: "Mr. Spock, your libido-less Vulcan logic fails to grasp the enormity of the daily Pon Farr that starship command subjects on a man."
Spock: "Mr. Sulu and Mr. Chekov, move the Enterprise as far as is necessary and raise whatever shield is needed to protect the captain's mind from the insidious Vagina Distortion Field that is destroying his judgement."
Kirk: "Spawwwwwwwwwk!!!"
<cue Kirk fight music>
by Bachelor boB January 17, 2012
Get the Vagina Distortion Fieldmug. |ˈfrāvən|
n. compound word derived from 'fake' and 'raven,' the later term used to label naturally black hair on the rare person whose ethnicity does not dictate black hair color (e.g. Celtic, Southern European, and Baltic). This distinctly differs from an ethnicity that does dictate black hair (e.g. African, Asian, and Native American). Ergo, fraven is artificially black hair on someone who could potentially have naturally black hair. Term is gender neutral.
Most often found on emo and goth individuals. Intended as a counter-culture statement against flonde (fake blonde) and the accompanying mindset / disposition. Those with fraven hair virtually never grasp that fake hair color cannot be a true antithesis to another fake hair color. As artificially colored hair now makes up ~97% of all American females between the ages of 12 and 65, the truly counter-culture hair color is actually 'natural.'
n. compound word derived from 'fake' and 'raven,' the later term used to label naturally black hair on the rare person whose ethnicity does not dictate black hair color (e.g. Celtic, Southern European, and Baltic). This distinctly differs from an ethnicity that does dictate black hair (e.g. African, Asian, and Native American). Ergo, fraven is artificially black hair on someone who could potentially have naturally black hair. Term is gender neutral.
Most often found on emo and goth individuals. Intended as a counter-culture statement against flonde (fake blonde) and the accompanying mindset / disposition. Those with fraven hair virtually never grasp that fake hair color cannot be a true antithesis to another fake hair color. As artificially colored hair now makes up ~97% of all American females between the ages of 12 and 65, the truly counter-culture hair color is actually 'natural.'
Bob: "I see y'ur little girl's hair has darkened from Disney blonde to a boring, unsexy, natural brunette. How long b'fore her 'friends' convince her to turn herself into a flonde or a fraven?"
Paul: "Since her mother is not shallow enough to artificially color her hair and we promote education, not appearance, our daughter does not have any counter-productive role models."
Bob: "What're you, a terrorist? You tryin' to destroy A'murica?!"
Paul: "Since her mother is not shallow enough to artificially color her hair and we promote education, not appearance, our daughter does not have any counter-productive role models."
Bob: "What're you, a terrorist? You tryin' to destroy A'murica?!"
by Bachelor boB December 29, 2015
Get the fravenmug. A compartment for the pilot and sometimes also the crew in an aircraft, so named by stewardesses because the mile-high club was (obviously) initiated there.
Flight-fag: "<Sigh.> There's a fat couple stuck in the bathroom. I swear, these people need to join Jenny Craig before the Mile-High Club.
Tinkerfluff Tina: "You tell the Air Marshal. I'm gonna' go show the hot co-pilot why the cockpit is better than first class."
Flight-fag: "But,... the Air Marshal is the blumpkee in the shitter and the co-pilot is my cum dumpster."
Tinkerfluff Tina: "You tell the Air Marshal. I'm gonna' go show the hot co-pilot why the cockpit is better than first class."
Flight-fag: "But,... the Air Marshal is the blumpkee in the shitter and the co-pilot is my cum dumpster."
by Bachelor boB January 8, 2011
Get the cockpitmug. A dysphemism for infatuation, specifically a man's for a woman. Used to express such extreme infatuation that the man would go to any length to please the woman in an attempt to enter into a relationship with her. Discovering "her" to actually be a transvestite or transgendered male and the heterosexual male then proceeding to perform oral sex on the "woman" is the quintessential example of extreme infatuation. This implies that any lesser requirement for a relationship is well within the man's willingness to provide.
boB: "Jacey is so hot, I'd suck her dick!"
Paul: "Yes, she has many fine qualities, but that's certainly beyond the pale."
boB: "Yeah, well, we'll see who taps that ass first."
Paul: "Ironically, that may be 'her' primary sexual orifice. Let's hope you can achieve copulatory success without resorting to such lengths."
boB: "Wa?"
Paul: "Yes, she has many fine qualities, but that's certainly beyond the pale."
boB: "Yeah, well, we'll see who taps that ass first."
Paul: "Ironically, that may be 'her' primary sexual orifice. Let's hope you can achieve copulatory success without resorting to such lengths."
boB: "Wa?"
by Bachelor boB January 7, 2011
Get the I'd suck her dickmug. A country so archaic, illiberal, and self-defeating that it had to rename itself in order to stop giving turkeys a bad name.
Don't insult turkeys -- relatively intelligent and beautiful birds -- by associating them with Türkiyes. If you need an appropriate comparison, think of 'Sand Russians' when you think of Türkiyes.
by Bachelor boB June 2, 2022
Get the Türkiyemug.