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Definitions by al-in-chgo

(Occasionally "cubby bear"): A hairy young gay man with the beginnings of a bear's burly or stocky figure. He doesn't have to be short; to indicate shortness of stature or slenderness in a hairy young gay man, the going term is "otter".

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"Roman Wright is six foot two and hairy-chested. He's a bear cub because he's only 28 years old.

With that height, he will definitely never be an otter, though."
bear cub by al-in-chgo February 26, 2010

Abingdon, Virginia 

County Seat of Washington County, Virginia, in southwestern Virginia about fifteen miles northeast of the Tennesse border. Population ca. 6,000.

Active (live-)stock market, seasonal burley tobacco market, site of Federal District court which accounts for beaucoup (way too many) attorneys for hire.

Biggest cultural attributes are probably the annual Virginia Highlands Festival held on the campus of Virginia Highlands Community College, waggishly referred to as "UCLA(q.v.)," and the Barter Theater, the State Theater of Virginia. Contrary to popular opinion, neither Gregory Peck nor Ernest Borgnine was born or grew up in Abingdon, nor Ned Beatty, although they all played the Barter early in their careers.

Worst-kept secret: The really choice furniture, antiques and miscellaneous items (and often, quite good deals) are not to be found at the open-air Highlands Festival, but at a semi-secret rummage sale held by a consortium of downtown Mainline Protestant churches, named for Plum Alley, which the week-long event occupies.

Little-known facts:

. Interstate 81 runs along eastern edge of town and affords easy access to Bristol, where there is also nothing for young people to do.

. One of several thousand communities in the USA that has earned the right to call itself "the buckle on the bible belt."

. Just for fun, Google for "Abington, Virginia" (note misspelling).
"Abingdon, Virginia? Where is this Abingdon? How long to drive there from Richmond?"

"Oh, about six, seven hours if the Interstates don't clot up too much."

"That's impossible. Nowhere in Virginia takes seven hours to reach from the state capital."

"Look on a road map, for the extreme Southwestern tip which they always put in a separate little box."
Abingdon, Virginia by al-in-chgo February 26, 2010

Movie Parking

(Sometimes called TV Parking.) Not parking for the movies, but the kind of ridiculously easy parking a character in a movie gets when s/he pulls right up to his/her destination, zeroing in on a miraculously wide-open parking spot in what otherwise is an impossibly tight urban area.

During the 1950s and 1960s, in movies and on television, Doris Day got such a rep for manifesting that lucky talent that a spin-off term was coined; see "Doris Day Parking." Generally Ms. Day's roles had her piloting sensible domestic sedans and station wagons, a visual metaphor for her competence, efficiency, self-reliance and ability to live without a man. By way of contrast, the neurotic characters Tony Randall portrayed often struggled with temperamental British roadsters, and Rock Hudson played dissolute types who poured themselves into a taxi -- hungover, drunk, in a hurry, or all three.

Times did change -- a little. On "The Doris Day Show," CBS-TV's' late 1960s career-girl sitcom and vehicle (no pun intended) for Ms. Day, her character drove a 1969 Dodge Charger. A red convertible Charger, on a legal secretary's salary. Modernity notwithstanding, Doris never seemed to have much trouble finding instant parking. In San Francisco. Business-district and high-rise parts of San Francisco. In all fairness, though, the opening credits included a very brief shot of her on the California Avenue cable car.

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In 1985 writer-director-male lead Albert Brooks, playing opposite Julie Hagerty in the film comedy LOST IN AMERICA, saw a movie convention ripe for satire. The lead couple, having had all kinds of bad luck in the Heartland, moves to New York City to find new careers. As the soundtrack blares Frank Sinatra's "New York, New York," their car, shown in exteme high shot, dives (no backing) right into a perfectly sized parking space dead center in front of a white high-rise office building in Midtown Manhattan. This knowing send-up of, and homage to the Movie Parking convention (which fit the plot perfectly) never fails to draw howls from the audience.

"Man, we were so lucky. TV parking in front of the building; the FedEx van had just pulled away."

"You want to see Movie Parking at its finest? Alfred Hitchcock's VERTIGO from 1957. Jimmy Stewart, Kim Novak, Barbara bel Geddes, all drove right up to Jimmy's apartment building, and it seemed to be the same spot perpetually open and waiting for them. Diagonal parking stalls, no less, or as you Midwesterners like to call it, angle parking."
Movie Parking by al-in-chgo February 25, 2010

The Valley 

Abandoned prison restroom with long trough-style urinal off a low-traffic area, as described in John Cheever's 1977 novel FALCONER. To quote the author, this is where the inmates went after dinner "to fuck themselves." Themselves but not each other -- there were unwritten rules. Looking at other penises was okay, but not into another man's eyes. Touching another man was not allowed, except for the shoulder. A grim place, not gay by any definition, and certainly not the fantasy one-for-all tearoom scenes depicted in gay porn videos.

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Since The Valley in Cheever's award-winning novel Falconer was located on an upper floor, the origin of its name was obscure. Perhaps the name was coined to reference the trench- or trough-shaped nature of the elderly urinal itself.

-- "Where's Harry?"

-- "He went to The Valley after dinner."

-- 'When do you think he'll be back in our wing?"

-- "As late as possible, if I know Harry."

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The Valley by al-in-chgo February 25, 2010
Adjective form of approval for gay man with a high "Woof!" potential; generally expresses a gay man's admiration for a particularly virile gay male like a hairy-chested bear or well-defined muscle daddy. The woofy object of admiration is more likely to be older rather than younger than the woofer (admirer).

See also Woof!

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"Okay, so who's woofier: Blake Nolan or Tim Kelly?" --

"Hard to choose, dude, they're both so woofy. I wouldn't kick either out of bed."
woofy by al-in-chgo February 25, 2010

hissy fit 

A sudden but violent outburst of a person shouting, screaming recriminations and (possibly) wailing, generally short-lived but shocking.

"Hissy fit" used to describe an adult tantrum but now has become an equal opportunity description, young or old, male or female. What they all have in common is no matter how severe the (alleged) offense, there is always some wounded pride involved, and usually an audience of bystanders along with the culprit who allegedly triggered the hissy.

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-- "When I told Sarah she couldn't have the doll, she broke down and pitched a major hissy fit. Right there in the toy department at Target!"

--"So when Joe got fired, all he did was throw a hissy fit out in the hall? Terrible. REAL men used to slug each other."

--"She freaked! She had a hissy! She thinks you're the cat's meow." 'Farmer Ted' (Anthony Michael Hall) in movie SIXTEEN CANDLES (1984), describing the Molly Ringwald character's sudden infatuation with a boy two years her senior.

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hissy fit by al-in-chgo February 25, 2010

Piss Hard-On 

Piss Hard-On (or Hardon):

A graphic way to describe the male condition of waking up with a very stiff erection coupled with a need to urinate.

The leading causes of this syndrome are thought to be:

1) a full bladder rubs against the prostate gland which then arouses the rest of a man's sexual machinery as though getting ready for intercourse; or the more recent theory, that

2) during a routine night's sleep, a man will have four or five erections but usually they don't awaken him. This is probably the body's way of running "routine diagnostic checks" on his various systems, including sexual readiness. The one that wakes you up either because it's time to wake up or because you're dying to go to the bathroom is the P.H-O.
I hate the term "Piss Hard-On". It's ugly. Much better to me are "morning wood" or the evocative "morning glory," which is the term we used in the (USA) South.

For a funny look at how difficult it is to pee with an erection, look at the DVD outtakes of Steve Carrel's movie THE FORTY-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN.
Piss Hard-On by al-in-chgo February 24, 2010