Definitions by Tin Hat Kippah

Duolingoy 

A non-Jew hired obliquely to do Duolingo on Shabbos for an observant Jew and thus allow her or him to maintain their streak. Coined on analogy with Shabbos goy.

Oy, the megillah to hire my Duolingoy was just verkakte. I had to stand there with a sad look on my puss and say "it's so unfortunate that there isn't someone out there who just wants to do Duolingo once a week to brush up their Klingon" over and over again until he took the hint.

Duolingoy by Tin Hat Kippah December 21, 2020

Kentucky Bumpfire

1) The practice of doing bumpfire or bumpfiring a semi-automatic rifle by needlessly, inefficiently and probably unsafely having a buddy stand behind you and pull the stock of your slinged rifle. 2) Any needless, inefficient and unsafe variation on standard shooting protocol usually thought up by two (almost always male) friends when they have more ammo than targets or good sense. See, Kentucky Windage.

Hey, why is that guy using himself as a bipod for his buddy's AR?
Hmm...That right there, son, is some serious Kentucky Bumpfire.

Kentucky Bumpfire by Tin Hat Kippah December 20, 2020

Passing Nick Kristof in the Aisle 

To lay a fart in someone's face while passing them in an airplane, bus, subway train or other public conveyance where they are denied a means of easy escape and have to take the full blast directly or at least danger close. From an unfortunate incident in late 2019 when two-time Pulitzer Prize winner and New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof took such a hit while on a U.S. transcontinental flight.

What happened to you?
I tripped on my shoelace while passing Nick Kristof in the aisle to my Calc teacher on the way back from the Mathletes Jamboree and now I've gotta wear this leg boot for 3 weeks.
Yeah, karma can be a bitch.

Passing Nick Kristof in the Aisle by Tin Hat Kippah December 15, 2020

Kevlar Neck Gaiter 

A metaphorical badge of loyalty usually referenced as an item of travel gear when visiting a good friend in a tight spot.

“I’m visiting my buddy in the Army next week but he’s stationed at a pretty wild post, you know, murders, kidnappings, war brides, that kind of thing; so, I’ll definitely be packing my Kevlar neck gaiter.”
“Jesus, where’s he stationed, Fallujah?”
“Nah, Fort Bragg.”

Kevlar Neck Gaiter by Tin Hat Kippah December 9, 2020

Sentinel Beach Resort

An audible sigh coming immediately after plunking down on the toilet seat before a particularly loud dump. Typically preceding a shot across the bow and very awkward for one’s neighbors in the restroom. Origin unknown but perhaps an ironic reference to the initial sense of tranquility and peace felt by missionaries, anthropologists and other visitors to North Sentinel Island in the Bay of Bengal before hearing the initial volley of arrows.

It was bad enough my dad and had to use adjoining shitters at the rest stop on the way home but when I heard his Sentinel Beach Resort I knew I only had seconds to cover my ears before he opened fire.

Sentinel Beach Resort by Tin Hat Kippah December 6, 2020

Shit in the mikveh 

"To spoil an otherwise successful endeavor or to ruin an otherwise positive moment." A sort of haimish or heimish (i.e., Jewish-inflected) version of "turd in a punch bowl" or "turd in one's drink." A mikveh is a ritual bath used for purification and conversion in the Jewish tradition and, thus, shitting in one is strictly forbidden.

Me and my buddy were having a great morning shooting out on Forest Service land until a couple of noobs with zero target acquisition skills and good sense showed up and took a massive shit in the mikveh by sending a bunch of 5.56 across our baffles.

Shit in the mikveh by Tin Hat Kippah December 5, 2020

haimish 

Quintessentially Jewish, especially in the sense of being homey or folksy. From Yiddish heymish/heimish, "cozy, domestic, home-like."

I've always thought of Fred Meyer as being a sort of haimish Walmart.

haimish by Tin Hat Kippah December 5, 2020