unmasturbate

The secret process sought by all boys of puberty age after they discover that their eyes are going to cross, that they have given themselves venereal disease, and all the other various horror myths which adult men tell them about masturbation.
Buddy has been asking all his uncles on the sly how to unmasturbate because his crotch has suddenly begun to itch and he thinks he's given himself the clap.
by The Grottomaster June 27, 2011
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laced mutton

A vain, ignorant, and superficial middle-aged woman who unsuccessfully attempts to make herself look youthful by caking on make-up and by wearing the trendy clothing of college-aged females. This phrase is actually an older popular characterization which one occasionally encounters in classic literature and especially in Golden Age British mysteries.
Check out that noxious old heifer -- laced mutton of The First Water.
by The Grottomaster June 07, 2011
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Bufordism

The philosophy of celebrating life as a dumbass.
The U.S. government has adopted a firm policy of Bufordism for all its employees.
by The Grottomaster March 27, 2011
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BEAST-loaf

A semi-acronym for a particular type of processed sandwich loaf, in this case, Brain, Eyeball, Anus, Snout, and Tail loaf. *Deluxe* BEAST-loaf costs a little more and is made up of: Brain, Eyeball, Anus, Snout, and *Titty*.
At Arkansas wedding receptions they typically serve Moon Pies and BEAST-loaf sandwiches.
by The Grottomaster April 19, 2011
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meatox

An affliction, chiefly of the skin, where one breaks out in body sores which seep with pus subsequent to eating exclusively at McDonald's for a month or more. A secondary symptom is uncontrollable diarrhea coupled with spontaneous projectile vomiting. When such people habitually take home leftovers and feed them to their dogs, it often results in *yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog's eye." There is no known cure for this ailment.
He found a breaded and fried chicken head in his McNuggets and stopped eating there but it was too late -- he had already developed meatox.
by The Grottomaster May 30, 2011
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slunger

An Appalachian noun describing either a fish of very large dimension or an unusually large pecker, (on either an animal or a human.) The 'g' has a soft pronunciation, like a 'j-sound'.
Man I dragged that catfish into the boat and it was a fuckin' slunger!
by The Grottomaster May 14, 2011
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fortunication

To copulate with an exceptionally gross/ugly girl and subsequently receive a cash award for doing so, perhaps perpetrated by a loving brother who is trying to help out his ugly sister by paying someone to do her.
I would only have sex with that ugly bitch under the conditions of fortunication.
by The Grottomaster May 28, 2015
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