The Colonel's definitions

rig

To have relations (of a sexual nature) with a woman.

Dude, see that hot blonde chick? I rigged her last night.

by The Colonel July 18, 2003

clag

Unidentifiable substance, usually of a secreted, bodily fluid type nature. Australian version of "shmegma".

Dude, I've gotta change my shirt...I just noticed that there's clag all over it.

by The Colonel July 18, 2003

baby rattlesnakes

Young punks that are full of testosterone and looking to get into fights.

Dude, the NOFX show was cool but the pit was full of baby rattlesnakes.

by The Colonel July 18, 2003

kookmeyer

Wilbur Kookmeyer, a popular cartoon character from Surfer Magazine. He is the epitome of a kook - can't surf worth a shit and is a complete friendless loser (except for his dog, although you get the impression that his dog thinks he's a kook, too), but loves surfing and thinks of himself as a pro-caliber ripper. Hated by all other surfers and constantly humiliating himself and behaving like, well...a kook.

Huntington Beach is full of kookmeyers, especially all those 30-something dipshits who act like locals but can't really surf worth a shit.

by The Colonel May 11, 2004

Defcon

Stands for "defecation condition" - a play off of the government acronym for "defense condition". Refers to the varying, and usually scaling, levels of severity relating to an impending bowel movement. The direction of the sliding scale varies from user to user, but typical usage labels Defcon 1 as the least urgent, and Defcon 5 as an imminent expulsion (the opposite of the defense department's usage).

Dude, I was at Defcon 5 and nearly shit my pants. Luckily we drove by a Carl's Jr. and I was able to drop a load.

by The Colonel July 18, 2003

rat-hole

To digress in an extensive way. To divert the conversation to a topic that is not only unrelated to the topic at hand, but a topic that will likely have no immediate resolution either.

That's an interesting discussion, but let's stay on track and not go down a rat-hole.

by The Colonel July 18, 2003

Bad Hop

A baseball hit on the ground that takes an unexpected, usually sharp bounce upwards.

While any unexpected movement can be considered a bad hop - off to the side or even some unusual spin on the ball - most bad hops "leap up" suddenly just before reaching the player attempting to field it.

The negative ("bad") nature of the term refers to its difficulty to catch (inherent in catching a ball is successfully being able to predict the ball's exact path or trajectory).

Not only are balls which take a bad hop hard to catch, they are often dangerous and can hit a player in the face or upper body.

Bad hops can be caused by dry or wet spots on the grass or dirt, small rocks or weed clumps, or even tiny imperfections or divits on the surface of the ground.

It looked like a routine play, but the ball took a bad hop off the edge of the grass and hit the shortshop in the eye.

by The Colonel October 29, 2007