The Cap N''s definitions

kick-start the dog

1. The act of tucking one's semi-erect penis behind their leg and then kicking that leg rearward in order to stimulate a fuller erection.

2. Tucking ones fully erect penis behind their leg and forcefully hiking that leg rearward in order to smack a woman performing fellatio under the chin.

1. I was taking a shower and sprang a semi so I used some hair conditioner to kick-start the dog.
2. Your ex-girlfriend kept talking while giving the weakest head I've ever received so I kick-started the dog and smacked that bitch in the face.

by The Cap N' June 19, 2020

pontiac blanket

1. A diseased or poisoned garment given to someone in order to infect or afflict them.

2. A reference to smallpox blankets allegedly given to the Pontiac Indians.

See: Ottawa jizz rag, Nessus shirt, Shirt of Nesus, Nessus Snuggy, Tunic of Nessus

I woke up with a cold sore after crashing at Dan's apartment after the party. I'm pretty sure he gave me the ol' Pontiac blanket because I cock-blocked him.

by The Cap N' August 10, 2020

udilliterate

1. Urban Dictionary Illiterate.

2. When someone is too stupid to spell or grammar check a post that they want to be in Urban Dictionary.

3. When someone doesn't read or ignores the guidance on defining words in Urban Dictionary so they try to post the names of their love interest or perceived antagonist in an effort to satisfy their own ego while also neglecting to understand the finer points of stalking, slander, and libel.

1. These udilliterate kids don't seem to understand enough about real words to be able to articulate the made up definitions of fake words. They're literally unrelatable.

2. Why would these udilliterates try to define somebody's name on Urban Dictionary thinking it's going to get you laid or be a big enough slight to change the way someone is? I could list exactly how many times that's worked. Zero.

2.

by The Cap N' July 20, 2020

Ghetto life insurance

When you're life is so meaningless you go out of your way to get killed by the police or a city bus in the hopes that your surviving family who wants nothing to do with your sorry ass anyways will get half the money the courts award you at the taxpayers expense. The other half goes to the lawyers and Al Sharpton.

Yeah... He was a gud boy. He was get 'n his life back together. He was going to community college and trying to record his rhymes. He dindu nuff 'n and the police shot 'em. He goan git fat ghetto life insurance doh...

by The Cap N' May 19, 2021

Deployment Driven Down Syndrome

A neurological disorder generally presenting itself in males aged 18-40 as a result of deploying to environments that are so hot the brain cooks inside of a helmet that is bombarded by high frequency radio waves and X-ray radiation while simultaneously trying to figure out exactly what the mission is. The people who are handicapped by this syndrome return noticably impaired in both mental and physical capabilities.

My uncle has Deployment Driven Down Syndrome (DDDS). He spent 9 months looking at the same patch of desert for 8 hours a day during OSS while running a backscatter.

by The Cap N' August 21, 2023

Limp Noodle Spaghetti Dead

(Phrase) - description of person dying, usually from a cranial GSW that results in the body going limp in a fashion similar to a wet pasta noodle.

Shooter: "I'm not sure if I got him"

Spotter: "Yeah you shot him in the head and he went limp noodle spaghetti dead"

by The Cap N' April 13, 2021

Wild Uncle

A drink that combines a shot (usually a double) of Wild Turkey poured into a pint glass with 12oz of Miller Genuine Draft in it. It is promptly consumed in a one-n'-done chug. It represents something along the lines of how your uncle would drink if he had some bad news to tell you.

Uncle: Give me a Wild Uncle and make it a double. I just don't know how to tell my nephew he's an orphan and my trailer ain't no place for kids.
Bartender: Sure thing pal. Maybe you shouldn't have drove him to a bar to break that news...

by The Cap N' April 9, 2021