Telephony's definitions

doucheknocker

A female version of a fartknocker or a buttknocker.

While I was flying the drone, I "heard" a jingle for Bob's Discount Furniture but with altered lyrics.
To wit:

♪ Bob's Bob-O-Pedics ♪
♪ From your åšs#Ø£€ to your ṕ€nµs ♪
♪ Some doucheknocker neutralised a hat!!! ♪
{~850ms silence}
♪ Bob's Bob-O-Pedics! ♪

by Telephony January 23, 2021

urinal mint

One of those pink urinal deodouriser cakes found at the bottoms of many types of urinals.

Rick, please don't eat the urinal mints!!! I hear that they taste horrible!!!

by Telephony November 29, 2010

BarneySplat

BarneySplat was a BBS door game that allowed the player to do all kinds of cruel things to our favourite bloated & distended purple dinosaur Barney.

Released by Bong Software in 1993, this text-only game allowed the player to get Barney drunk or stoned; even Baby Bop and the kids get to smoke out and get hammered. You also receive opportunities to kill the satanic purple pedophile ?(along with everybody el;se!) in addition to getting everybody ripped or stupid-drunk until they're all eliminated from the game.

An example screen would look like this:

"I have an idea!" Barney says. "Let's have a TEA party!"
Everyone gets out the tea and cookies, you get ready your arsonic and alcohol.

Fun things to try at the "TEA" party:
(S)pike it
try to make (P)eace tea
or (D)on't do anything

Hey Carlton! That BBS I was just on has BarneySplat in their door games menu!

by Telephony June 22, 2019

eye booger

Another name for sleep in your eye; it resembles a desiccated (dried up) booger from your nose.

Hold on a moment; let me get this eye booger out of my eye!

by Telephony April 26, 2014

douchewasher

What some people might call a dishwasher, esp. when they truly hate to load & empty the thing.

Tom, it's your turn to load the douchewasher after dinner!

by Telephony September 7, 2013

pee IN the toliet, not ON the toliet!

An admonish men given to males with bad aim while passing micturition.

I just had cataract surgery; now I can pee IN the toliet, not ON the toliet!

by Telephony June 15, 2014

vaccume

A very common misspelling of the word, “vacuum"; used most frequently to describe an electrically-powered cleaning device or the vacuum of space. Appears entirely in writing, because it is pronounced the same as the word, “vacuum".

{Craig}: Dave, can you vaccume the hall dear? (yes, Craig & David are F46607s)

{David}: Awww man, isn't it your turn to vaccume? (takes a pair of dikes {the wirecutters, not the other kind!} and snips off the cord)...ummm Craig, this vaccume cleaner's busted!!

by Telephony September 3, 2013