Telephony's definitions

uronium

Chemical symbol: Un.
Atomic number 327.
An odoriferous brown substance that usually exists between the toliet seat hinges and the bowl.
Uronium may also appear around the bolts that hold the toliet to the floor.

Some people choose to ignore uronium; choosing instead to mask its unique odor with Glade® Plug-Ins® or Wizard™ aerosol.

by Telephony October 24, 2010

ass mallet

Another term for an asshole.

{Seen on a drone aerial video on YouTube}:

While I was flying the drone, I "heard" a jingle for Bob's Discount Furniture but with altered lyrics.
To wit:

♪ Bob's Bob-O-Pedics ♪
♪ From your βµṁ#Ø£€** to your ṕ€nµs

♪ Some ass mallet pee'd on a fembot!!! ♪
{~850ms pause}
♪ Bob's Bob-O-Pedics! ♪

by Telephony September 17, 2021

windometer

Plain and simple: an anemometer.
An anemometer is an instrument used for measuring wind speed.

Winds were clocked with my stupid sodding "rotten cat pee yellow" portable digital "windometer" (as JD from JD Quad in the UK calls them even though those things are actually called, "anemometers") ;-) as being variable to 3.60mph (4.36kph) at the surface.

by Telephony May 25, 2019

muckie

Mud; usually combined with at least 50% animal waste such as pig poop, horse puckey, bull shit, elephant dung, rabbit pellets, etc.

♪ The Candyman makes, ♪
♪ Everything he bakes, ♪
♪ Really really fucking yucky. ♪
♪ You'll end up knee-deep in muckie, ♪
♪ What a big load of horse puckey! ♪

by Telephony September 29, 2019

Uranus

The seventh planet from the Sun, classified as an ice giant. Uranus is basically a large ball of hydrogen, methane, helium, and, to a lesser extent, ammonia which imparts a blue color. It is also very cold, with temperatures in the neighbourhood of 357° F (-216° C).

The name has become the butt (pun not intended) of many ass jokes; I think you can see why.

Some astronomers pronounce it, "ūr′·ə·nəs" (YERR'uh ness) in order to help stem the tide of Uranus-related ass jokes while others still prefer the original pronunciation, "ū·rā′·nəs" (your ANUS).

Look in this new Celestron telescope! See that little blue thing? That's Uranus.

by Telephony February 20, 2018

Bar Rescue

A program shown on Spike TV that's a documentary / reality show where a man named Jon Taffer finds bars that are going down the toliet for some reason or other (shitty sanitation, crappy management, poopy bar food, seedy crowds, problems with the liquor, hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, etc. and then retrains the bar & kitchen staff for new food & drink recipes and rebuilds the bar itself in hopes that the new branding and new food & bar menus will bring back customers.

I'm gonna watch Bar Rescue on the telly tonight to see if Jon Taffer can pull The Purple People-Eater out of the dumper.

by Telephony April 24, 2015

Santa Flush

What some people (esp. young children) call Sani Flush toilet bowl cleaner crystals.

Mom, I think you need to put some Santa Flush in the toilet; it smells funny.

by Telephony December 23, 2021